Think Back...

LD's, when your Ms Dreamer was in grade school (a Catholic one, but don't hold that against me), there were just a few of us. In our eighth grade graduating class, there were eleven boys and seven girls. Colleen reminded me of the fact that we all had numbers (why only eighteen of us needed numbers, I'll never know. Was it to keep us all straight? Could they not remember eighteen names?).

We were pretty close, since that vast majority of us had gone to school together since we'd been in kindergarten...played sports, birthday parties, First Communion and Confirmation. I don't think there was a dry eye out of any of us at graduation. I've looked back on our class picture, and all of us girls were wearing white shoes...and it wasn't planned.

I miss those carefree days.

I tell you that to tell you this. We lost our first classmate a couple of weeks ago. He'd had a heart problem that they'd been keeping an eye on for the last couple of years, but this year, they had to operate to fix an enlarged valve.

The surgery was a massive success. Apparently, a few days after the surgery, he was up walking around, and it dislodged a blood clot in his leg. He was put into a medically induced coma. Friday before Thanksgiving, nothing was showing any improvements, so they pulled the life support based on his wishes.

Tuesday of Thanksgiving week was his visitation. I met up with a couple of friends that I've kept in touch with over the years, and it was so damned hard. At 32, we're not old enough to have this happen. But it made me start thinking.

When we were in seventh grade, on one of the last days of school, we were all given paper and told to write our names at the top. We passed them around and we had to write something nice about the person whose paper we had at that moment. I still have mine, and I dug it out the other day. Here's what everyone had to say about me back then, and I'd like to think that it all holds true today (spelling taken directly from the page :) ...)

~help people, cheers me up, your a good friend (girl)

~friendly, helpful (boy)

~your a very thoughtful person, kind, generous, very smart, and hardly ever mad!!! (girl)

~you are a great reader. you are easy to get along with and a generous person (boy)

~very athletic (boy)

~you do alot (boy)

~a great friend, kind, caring, smart, loving, generous, good at sports (girl)

~your always there to give me a ride to school and are ready to help people (boy)

~good reader, you're generous and a very smart person (boy...give the Big Guy some hell for me,

will ya, CK?)

~your nice (boy)

~your a great person, you have a great personality, your always cheerful (girl)

~you've been & still are a very good friend, I like to be around you alot, oh by the way Cubs rule (girl)

~a good friend, a great reader, good in schoolwork, she helps people out (boy)

~great reader, great singer, great in everything, funny, a little hot tempered (but it's ok), great friend

(girl)

~your a good friend (boy)

~good reading voice (boy)

~cool and helpful (boy)

~generous, fund to be around, nice person, caring person (boy)

~great personality, cheerful, joyful, kind, great gift of singing, nice person to be around, courteous and good sense of humour (teacher)

Most of us have lost touch over the years, and I miss that friendship from back then. Most of them signed their name, but I was able to figure them out based on their handwriting (or printing, as the case may be). At one point in my life, I'd cut it apart to fit in a scrapbook, but I've since taped it back together, and it's in a sleeve.

Think I'll frame it for when we get our War Room done. It'll be a nice addition for over my desk. I'll be able to look at it and hopefully draw some good vibes. I'm looking for other things to draw inspiration from - any suggestions?

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Ms Dreamer

Candy candy candy...

Does any of my LDs remember Garfield's Halloween Special? From the mid/late eighties? Where he and Odie go trick-or-treating? And they go across to the haunted island and get chased by some fuckscary skeleton ghosts? But before that, Garfield is all excited about "Candy candy candy candy!"?

*shiver*

Me either. :)

But this post is NOT about Halloween candy. Nope.

Cadbury (mini) Creme Eggs.

O. My. Gods.

These things are like liquid crack to me. I like to bite them open, tongue the creamy white & yellow centers out, and let the shell melt in my mouth (wow...that was kind of disturbingly kinky, wasn't it?).

Anyhoo...Ange at Names Will Not Be Changed is having a giveaway of these liquid crack-filled chocolate canister bombs of sugar-coma goodness.

And?

I. Want. Them.

I will buy a dozen of the little bastards (they come in their own little mini-egg carton-shaped plastic container!) and savor them around Easter.

But if she's giving away FIVE 10-OUNCE BAGS OF THEM!, O my holy hells...

Anyone got some insulin for me to counteract all the sugar? :)

Here's Ange

Go follow her - she's pretty damned funny!

Now my mouth is set for Cadbury.

And if I don't win, I might just sob all the way to Easter.

Of course, at the rate stores are going, Easter candy will be out the day after New Years.

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Ms D

1-10...let's try it again.

LDs, I'm not going to Bitch and Moan today. I'm just too frustrated about it. I am, however, going to give you one through ten.

This was originally supposed to be a 30 Day Blog Challenge, but I can't motivate myself to do that.

So I'm going to do ten at a time. Which is why yesterday's postie had 1-10 as the subject. Obviously, I'm an idiot.

Day 1 - your favorite song

Just one? "Amazed" by Lonestar or "The Dance" by Garth Brooks.

"Amazed" was what Mr Realist determined was our song, and it's the one I came down the aisle hearing at our wedding.

"The Dance" was our first dance, both as a couple and husband & wife. Mr Realist went home the weekend of Homecoming his first year in college because a rival school was having their Homecoming and a friend from high school had already asked him to go because it was a group of people they all went to HS with. I didn't get a Homecoming dance (lame, I know...). A couple of weekends later, we were headed to his hometown, and I made a point to say something: "I just think it sucks that Heather got her Homecoming dance, and I didn't...and I'm your girlfriend." Mr Realist stopped the car (we were on a remote backroad), flipped through his CDs, popped one in, skipped to a song, and we danced on the gravel road to Garth Brooks.

Day 2 - your favorite movie

Any of the Harry Potter movies. The Princess Bride. E.T. Steel Magnolias.

Day 3 - your favorite television program

I have two, actually. Glee and Bones. Love love love them, and I'm glad that I can see them on Hulu!

Day 4 - your favorite book

You're killing me, Smalls. Any Harry Potter. Of course, it might be easier to tell you fave authors. :)

Charlaine Harris (Sookie Stackhouse)

Stephenie Meyer (Twilight Saga -- I know, most people don't)

JRR Tolkien (LOTR and The Hobbit, and I'm trying to work my way through The Silmarillon (sp?))

Julia Quinn, Judith McNaught, Piers Anthony, Lyndsey Sands, Shane Moore, Dean Koontz, Linda Lael Miller...the list goes on. :)

Day 5 - your favorite quote

I have two: "what would you do if you knew you could not fail?" (seen on a paperweight) and "You can do or not do what you were gonna do, but you can't not do what you did." (Clare, Unspoken for Time)

Day 6 - 20 of your favorite things

these are in no specific order!

1. husband

2. friends

3. wine

4. books

5. sleep

6. imagining things

7. knitting

8. food

9. family

10. daisies

11. dogs

12. horses

13. Camp Ondessonk

14. solitude

15. movies

16. dirt

17. new mown hay

18. clean sheets dried in the sun

19. fresh powdery snow

20. rain

Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy

This is Mr Realist and I at a Cardinals game in July. Gotta love the tickets that are given to you!!

Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad

This is a favorite professor that I will never see again...never see him smile, never hear his beautiful tenor voice, never hear him tell me that I can sing,ever again. David, I miss you.

Day 9 - a photo you took

I took the one of Mr Realist and me...with my iPhone :)

Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you

and that's something I don't have on this computer. I'll have to scan some oldies but goodies and show them off to y'all.

Ok...I'm tired, and I have a long day tomorrow - work, visitation an hour north, and darts....

Heepwah, and be safe out there, will ya?

Ms D

1-10

LDs, you know I have a hard time coming up with blog post ideas. I don't want to write just random shit.

Or maybe I should just use this as a freewrite place. Freewriting is something we did in AP English in high school. Blank sheet of paper and a pen and a topic and fifteen minutes. If you were drawing a blank, you had to write your name over and over until you had a thought.

I think I might have to dig out the ol' college writing books and go through them and get some ideas.

What do you think?

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Ms D

Day 20-30

OK, LDs. We're going to see how many more we can get through in the next fifteen (all I have left on my lunch hour)....

Day 20: your views on drugs and alcohol.
Let's see...alcohol: I like the occassional adult beverage. Beer, wine, mixies, it all depends on what kind of mood I'm in. If you don't drink, fine. If you do drink, fine. Just don't drink and drive.
Drugs: I used to smoke loads of weed in college. I've since grown out of that phase, but I wouldn't see the harm in legalizing it. I would approach pot like I approach alcohol (since I am a grown-up and shit): recreational. I'd smoke/drink on the weekends when I didn't have work responsibilities.

Day 21: You and your best friend are in a argument; an hour later s/he is in a car accident. What do you do?
I would feel horrible, and most likely, let the argument go. It was probably over something incredibly asinine anyway.

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.
There's quite a bit I wish I hadn't done. I can't narrow it down to one simple thing.

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Gotten good enough grades to spend a semester in Wales when I was in college.

Day 24: Make a playlist to someone and explain why you chose the songs (song/artist and letter).
Well, shit. I'll have to think on this one.

Day 25: The reason you're still alive today.
Colleen and Camp Ondessonk.

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? When and why?
So, air my dirty "I tried to kill myself" laundry? Only once and it was because I was tired of life and being a mother and a teenager all in one.

Day 27: What's the best thing going for you right now?
I have a very happy marriage. I love Mr Realist with all my heart, and he knows it.

Day 28: What if you were pregnant/got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Aside from puke/laugh/pass out? Bake a baby to the best of my abilities, birth that baby in any means possible, and then try not to go insane raising a mini Ms Dreamer/Mr Realist.

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself and why.
Weight. I know I bitch about it way more than I should, but my goal is to start doing 20 minutes every day beginning 12/1. After the first of the year, my goal is to start the Couch to 5K program (helped by an iPhone app). I'm 60 pounds overweight, and my blood pressure is consistantly in the 160/90-100 range. Doc's concerned I'm going to have a stroke. Yeah...at 32.

Day 30: A letter to yourself, telling EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Dear self.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways:
Your eyes. Your smile. Your mind and your soul. Your personalities.
Because you're you.

There. There's my 30 Days. Went a little over, though.

Fuckers. :)

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Ms D

Day 9 through ?

I've definitely been slacking on this one, LDs. So, we're gonna run in machine-gun procession:

Day 9: Someone you didn't want to let go, but drifted.
There's a few of them - Sarah and Becky are the two most prominent.

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.
Alicia. Dave. Fuck them both.

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
My purses. I find them on the cheap and everyone loves them. Course, the tables get turned back on me when I compliment them! :)

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Um, the size of my ass? Mr Realist likes it...but that makes one of us. :)

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough-ass days.
Alanis Morrisette - you fucking ruled my player when I was a senior in high school. Journey - fucking ruled any breakup I ever had.

Day 14: A hero who has let you down.
At one point, my mom. She was my hero, then she lost it. She's back to hero status, though. :)

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried.
Mr Realist. March of 2002, we mutually decided to spend some time apart because he was 1.5 hours away, and I was struggling with my last semester of college and was being a real bitch. It hurt way more than Chad and Bob. But it obviously worked out. We celebrated our fifth year of marriage in September.

Day 16: Someone or something that you definitely could live without.
All the weight I'm carrying around. :)

Day 17: A book you've read that changed your views on something.
Sorry. I guess I'm not reading the right kind of books.

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
You know, people say that allowing gays (lesbians, transgendered, etc.) to get married would be ruining the sanctity of marriage. So, Larry King (married seven times), Elizabeth Taylor (married eight times), Pam Anderson (married three times), William Shatner (married four times)...these people aren't ruining the sanctity of marriage? We're arguing over a piece of paper. A true marriage is run on trust, compromise, faith, and love.

Day 19: What do you think of religion? or of politics?
Religion has gotten way too big for its britches. Why is it ok if I beat my husband and my kids, drank all the time, cheated on my taxes, and hid all of it but went to church regularly, that I'd be considered a good Christian? Bullshit.
"Religion says you have to pray in a church. Jesus says 'church is wherever you pray.'"
"Religion says you have to believe/follow what the priest/pastor/deacon says. Jesus says 'Follow and believe in me.'"

Politics is a bunch of crooks fattening their pockets. Anyone who believes they can change the system...can't. There's too many of them for you to beat.

I'll get days 20 through 30 up later.

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Ms D

My Humblest Apologies

LDs, I have not meant to neglect you for so long. I'm just...stuck...yet the fuck again. See, I read a blog a couple of weeks ago that made the comment about "quality, not quantity." I strive for quality...sometimes. Other times (like Bitch and Moan Monday, which I will do again), it's all swearing fluff and random brain vomit.

See, I don't have "I fly the bird at you" stories like Kisha and Aunt Becky (and I love these two like we've been friends since we were twelve, even though we've never met).

I don't have the "little extras" that Jen and Kelle (these two are inspiring - love you, Jen).

I'm not a persevering champion like Missus Gamgee or someone who disects books like several HP sites I read (can't you just let a story be a story?), although Mrs. G and I both share a passion for Harry and Hobbits (I've got the feet and the food thing down pat).

I don't even have what Avitable's does (and I deffo don't want it! *evil grin).

I'm going to try to post two or three times a week. It may be something that makes you weep, or one that makes you snort tea all over your monitor (might want a full-computer rubber for those days *smirk)

Or, it might just be "fuck it - here's how my day went" or "things that don't belong in bodily orifices" (orifici?) or "I saved another life today because I didn't shoot anyone!"

I've got a couple, and even have a BnM Monday for later on :)

I'm also designing a change to our spare room (now that's it's more cleaned out than it was before - you can see the floor!) so that we can work out and move the computers in there.

So, how is everyone? Haven't talked to you in a while.

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Ms D

Bitch and Moan Monday

O, LDs. You have no idea how I need this today. And it will be liberally laced with the eff word, and the c word might make an appearance if I get too heated.

Yeah. This.



(picture here)

Bitch and Moan Monday (and why the flying fuck can I not put the fabulous piccy here?? It's just adding to my frustrations. I'm feeling really really really really stabby).

And you know, it's all about work.

LDs, I'm not a professional blogger (although I kinda wish I was). I think I'd have to post more than once a week and maybe post something relevant to more than the 20 or so of you who love me. But then I'd deal with meanies by beating the piss out of them.

Let me just say I'm not a fucking idiot. I know my job, but most of the time, I feel like an imposter. Like they're suddenly going to lightbulb and go "why the fuck did we hire her? she's dumber than a box of dog biscuits!" It's one of those things that doesn't go away. The 8yo in my head cries when she feels stupid. She doesn't like feeling stupid. And the BAB* in my head gets fucking righteously pissed off when the 8yo cries. Don't make her cry.

I at least give people the common fucking courtesy of letting them know when they fuck up, but by making sure I don't reply all to the email. I just reply to them. I know what it's like to fuck up, but there are some people who get their goddamned jollies making someone else look bad because it takes the heat off of them for fucking up way more often than I do.

Ya know, get off your fucking high horse and be a motherhumping human. Do you like being pushed around? Do you like being made fun of? I sure the fuck don't. I'm sorry that you are an idiot. Some of us aren't.

FUCK! Really? OMGWTFBBQ! I just want to slap those kind of people with Keith Richards' dick (he's the first really old dude that popped into my head), and ask them what the fuck do they use for brains?

'Cause it's obviously not the brains God gave them.

I just wanna brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack (thanks, Ke$ha) right now. I had a PBR/fire smoke hangover all day yesterday, and it was gone this morning.

It's back with a fucking vengeance. Wonder if an oxycodone-laced coffee will help...

Anyone else have one of these days?

*shakes head and dreams of the day recreational weed is legalized. i'd be a happy dreamer*

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Or I'll hit you with Keith Richards' dick.

And that's gross.

Ms Dreamer

*BAB - bad ass bitch. That's Stevie. Alara's the 8yo. Stephanie's staying out of this one. She just wants to go home and make chicken fings this evening.

PS--cunt

PPS-- *grin*

PPPS--told you

Day Eight - Hell

Day Eight - Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Wow. There's a couple people who fall into this category, LDs.

~The Stepfather. It's sad that the only things you remember from your childhood are the beatings and the "you'll never amount to anythings" and the "fuck that, that's stupids".

~The Ex-Best Friend. I put more than my fair share into that relationship when we were in college, and she shit all over that. After the friendship withered and died, many...MANY friends asked me how I held on so long. And I had no answer because I myself didn't even know. I relate this one to "battered wife" syndrome (I have seen it happen in both Sister Dreamer and Cousin (she lost sister status several weeks ago) Realist - you stay with someone who is obviously not good for you and you know that, but you stay because it's comfortable and you know what's going to happen, even though it's bad.

Yeah, they're pretty much it. I'm not going to add in the several boyfriends that broke my heart, because that happens, LDs. And I'm still a better person for it.

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Ms Dreamer

Day Seven - Worth Living

I'm trying, LDs, to blog more frequently. Obviously, that's not happening too well, is it? I sometimes feel like what I have to say isn't worth the e-paper it's printed on, but I'm slogging on.

Day Seven - someone who has made your life worth living for.

This is one of those questions that I don't have a single answer for.

~Mr Realist

~Mumsy Dreamer

~Grandparents Dreamer

~Aunt & Uncles & Cousin Dreamer

~Sister

~True friends

Everyone has left an indelible bright gold mark on my life, and without those scribbles and words and hugs and drawings and thoughts and love, I wouldn't be your Ms Dreamer.

And for that, I thank you and them all.

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Ms Dreamer

Day Six - Pleading Hope

Day Six - Something you hope you never have to do.

LDs, I hope for loads of things. But there are some things that I don't think that I would be able to handle.

And outlive Mr Realist is at the top of that list.

I don't want to think about this one. It's making my heart hurt.

Ms Dreamer

Day Five -- Hope

Day Five - something you hope to do in your life.

Well. Isn't that interesting. It's almost like a "What do you want to be when you grow up?" for adults. But even though I'm 32, I'm still asking myself that question.

What do I hope to do in my life?

~Grow old with Mr Realist

~Publish a romance/erotic novel

~Move somewhere foreign for a year (and yes, Canada counts)

~Be a recorded singer

~Work at my happiest place in the world

~Get another degree; but this time, actually work for it and be fucking amazing at it.

Right off the top of my head, I think that's a good start. It's starting to read like a Bucket List, though. Gah.

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Ms Dreamer

Bitch and Moan Monday

I don't have anything to bitch about today (yesterday), LDs. I'm sorry.

Of course, it was nice to see Kisha back up and running...since she started it.

Maybe next week, I'll be back. Let's see who can piss me off in the next five days, shall we?

Bitch on.

Heepwah, and be safe out there

Ms Dreamer

Day Four -- Other Forgiveness

LDs, this past weekend was a phenomenal one. Mumsy Dreamer and I went to Mother/Daughter Weekend at Camp Ondessonk. Two and a half days of doing some of what campers do in a week there during the summer.

Mumsy Dreamer had never really been there. She was either working or too drunk (imagine that). So when the opportunity presented itself, we jumped at the chance. I registered us, and gave her the choice of units, just giving her enough descriptive rope to hang herself with:

"Mumsy, do you want to stay on the lake, in a cave, or up a small bluff?"

"Up a small bluff sounds cool." He he he. There's a reason it's called the "Stairmaster Unit." 70 stairs from bottom to top (we stayed in Cabin 2, which is only about 50 stairs up). Never, ever again. Next year, it's either Daniel, Brebeuf, or Raganeau (in that order. C - where would you stay?).

Anyway, we hiked. We horseback rode. We did handicrafts. We sang camp songs and sat by fire pits and met a really great woman and her daughter (hi Lib & Ash, if you're reading this!) and had an absoballylute blast. We're more prepared for next years' coyotes and raccoons and uncomfortable beds and o holy hells bring better shower shoes!

This post isn't about what we did this weekend. M/D Weekend at camp is meant to bring you and your Mumsy closer, should you choose. I did this quite a while ago, but y'all can know.

Mumsy,

I forgive you. You got pregnant with me directly out of high school. You didn't give up. Even when Oma & Opa Dreamer tried to keep me, you fought back, just enough. Even though as we grew up, there were dark times when your friends and your alcohol and your drugs took all of your time, and I had to be Mumsy and Big Sister in one.

At my darkest, you gave up, just enough, to let your daughter show everyone what she was capable of. At fourteen, you let her go to succeed....and I did. I forgive you for the darkness you cast over me. I hate that you missed my college graduation (for more than one reason), but I forgive you for your part in missing it.

I forgive you for your mistakes, and I hope you forgive me for mine.

But since you quit drinking three years ago and quit doing drugs almost four years ago, there's nothing left to forgive. It's all been done.

I love you, Mumsy Dreamer. Every day.

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Ms Dreamer

Day Three - Self Forgiveness

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

This one is an easy one, and I've talked about it here several times.

I forgive you, self, for almost ruining your life.

You were a good girl in high school: didn't get invited go to parties, didn't drink, didn't do drugs, didn't have The Sex. You went from a shit-tastic home life to live with parentals who actually gave a flying fuck about you and your hopes and dreams and who you were.

But then you got to college. You fell in love, and gave up the whole taco to a boy who said you'd be his wife one day because you were just what he'd been searching for...and broke your heart four months later because you were too YOU.

So you turned to The Promiscuity. The Alcohol. The Pot (and LDs, I did more than my fair share of all of it). If he was supplying the brew or the bud, you supplied yourself. You don't remember much of your second semester in college, except that you came thismotherfuckingclose to flunking out. You changed...but it wasn't enough. You tasted the freedom, and you liked it.

And once you had it, you weren't going back to being the "good girl." You did slightly improve your study habits. You stopped smoking The Pot (so much). You stopped drinking The Alcohol (so much). And you found (through The Promiscuity) the man who would become Mr Dreamer (LDs, you know him as Mr Realist), who did make you his wife because you were just what he was looking for and because you were YOU.

You almost fucked up your life quite handily, but you sort of redeemed yourself. "Sort of" because you just wanted to be done with college, so you finished. But you didn't achieve much with finishing college.

But you did. You only half fucked up your life, not wholly.

And that's to be commended...at least, from us.

There are some things that I'm still not forgiving myself on, but I'll keep those to myself until I fix them.

Do you have something to forgive yourself for?

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Forgive

Ms Dreamer

Day Two - Love

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

Well, I did do the hate one yesterday. Love would just be the logical next step.

Just as hating things about myself, there are quite a few that I love about myself. I don't want to sound shallow and say 'my eyes' (which were dubbed 'thundercloud' about fifteen years ago) or 'my smile' (cause it's lopsided and it's mine).

It's my compassion.

LDs, I am a compassionate person. Anything that I can do to make people feel better or welcome, I'm all for it. Of course, this does get me into trouble because of what I hate about myself.

I cry at weddings. Funerals. Movies. I tear up during commercials, yo. If I ever win the lottery (gotta play, fuckwad, to win), I'm obviously going to pay off what needs it for me and mine, go back to school, and donate, donate, donate. There are several of my blogbitches that have charities near and dear to their hearts, and I'd make a large donation. I'd set it up so that my summer camp would be able to do more of the improvements and programs and fun stuff they are so damned good at. I'd donate to my high school; much less would go to my college (these monies would be earmarked for X and Y and if it gets spent on Z-W, it will not be a pretty day). See, LDs, my capacity to love and just be there for people knows no boundaries.

I do love each and every one of you because of who you are. I may find fault with you for one reason or another, but I feel for you when you rejoice and when you mourn. And I'm normally available just for a listening ear for someone to vent.

I've got compassion coming out of my ears, LDs. I can outcompassion ALL of you! :)

Love. Turn to your SO and give them a hug. Tell them you love them. Squeeze your kids a little extra tonight. Did you know that it takes 12 hugs a day to be mentally healthy?

I think that in therapy, people should be prescribed hugs instead of some pill.

If I ever get my doctorate in Psychology (criminal/teen would be my focus), I think that would be part of my therapy.

Just a hug. Show those troubled teens that someone DOES care about them. Believe that a criminal can change their life (obvs it won't work for everyone). Smile and a hug.

((hug))

There's one from me, LDs. Make sure you get your Daily Requirement.

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Your love

Ms Dreamer

Day One -- Hate

~~ Day One: Something you hate about yourself. ~~

You're asking me for just one thing? Fuck, y'all. There are so many things I hate about myself.

But there's one in particular.

I hate letting people walk all over me.

For those of you who know me in person, I don't seem like the kind of person who would say this. Most of them would say that I'm like John Wayne toilet paper (rough, tough, and doesn't take shit off of anyone!).

But I'm not. I would much rather let something stew and fester in my soul than speak up and let it out. For example, I couldn't confront one of my cheerleaders when I found out she'd been lying to me for several weeks about grades, and the professors weren't helping in the way of keeping me updated.

There are some people who can say what they feel about most things because people need to hear the truth. If my weird little brain thinks it will hurt them in any way, I can rarely tell that person. Something small like "that shirt does make you look weird" or "you've got green shit in your teeth" is easy. "Hey, you might want to check over those directions again. I don't think this is right" always seems to come out, "Hey, you incompetent fuck - can you not read, or are you just that fucking lazy?" I have no idea how to say it without sounding like a heinous bitch (which I do quite well, thank you very much).

I hate being made to feel like shit because I'm a pushover. I rarely tell people "no" (unless it's my sister, and then I can tell her "Fuck no!") because I genuinely like to help people, but it's costing me my sanity. Part of it is that if I just do it myself, I'll get it done much faster and done correctly the first time. Is that so bad?

Yes. When it affects your everyday life. Mr. Realist has no such problems anymore. He's told his boss to "Fuck off" (pretty recently, actually), and his boss took it (because he realized he was being a tool). Can I learn how to do that? Can someone teach me that? I'll be your Grasshopper.

That's the biggest hate for me. Some of the others:

~I'm lazy (although Kisha has given me something to shoot for - she's my inspiration).

~I'm fat (see previous)

~I'm fucking stuck, yos. I have no less than five novels in various stages of completion, and I'm lagging on all of them. Stupid writer's block.

What are some of the things you hate about yourself?

Your self-hating

Ms. Dreamer

I'm Still Me...

I'm skipping over Bitch and Moan Monday this week. Today was actually pretty good.

If you read Avitable, you'll know that he's an open-minded (and open-mouthed) man who takes pictures of his boys on holidays, is "rude, crude, and socially unacceptable," and has a picture of his penis on the header of his blog drawn to actual size, not scale. He's a funny mothafucka. Only read him if you're not easily offended.

Anyway, on September 22nd, he posted a month-long meme (well, 30 days) that's called 30 Days of Truth. I'm going to attempt this. Some days, you might see more than one; you might go two or three days before getting another; and you might see one a day for a few days in a row. As long as I get them done by October 31st (my most favoritest holiday in the whole world), I'll consider myself a success.

Here are the days:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

So, we begin today with Day One (it's in a new postie).

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Ms. D

Bitch and Moan Monday

That's right, LDs - once again, it's Bitch and Moan Monday!

See, Like Kisha, I generally try to be a happy person, and I uber-hate confrontations. But sometimes rainbows and fucking glitter have to take a backseat to fire and brimstone and the half-evil side of me coming out (Mr Realist thinks I need a 333 tattoo). It's why I'm romantically involved with Kisha. I save up some nuggets of brimstone and tongues of flame, and let them all go on Mondays. It's a perfect fucking day to bitch. Mondays suck most of the time.

~~

Ok, I've read several blogs and the general internet regarding Katy Perry's costume choice when she starred on Sesame Street with Elmo. Everyone has been clamoring to either boycott Sesame Street, or write letters or email or tell everyone you fucking know not to watch because 'how could she wear that on Sesame Street?' Ya know, fuckers, Sesame Street's people had to see her in the outfit before they staged the fucking song. If you're offended by something that looks like an ice dancer's leotard (um, duh, she was covered up to her neck; albeit with flesh-colored fabric, but she was still covered), you need to remove your head from your ass and look at that objectively.

How many of your four- and five-year olds are going to go, "But Mother, I am offended by this gratuitous display of the female form, and shan't watch Sesame Street until Elmo finds a more appropriate playmate"? No. They're going to see someone singing a song and trying to get Elmo to play dress up with her like he said he would, and all he really wants to do is play tag. Ya know, if you think about it, it's teaching children that it's ok to lie to your friends - that you can tell them that you'll play what they want to, and then run around because it's not what you really want to do. Bet you nobody took that into consideration, did they?

You're trying to make everyone else teach your kids right from wrong instead of YOU, the parent, teaching your kids. Really? Remove all trace of skin, all violence, all smoking, all everything from the television and movies and music because YOU can't figure out how to teach your child right from wrong? And we wonder why kids today are so...grr!

Why do you think that the Looney Tunes aren't on anymore? O no, we can't let our children see a coyote try to blow up a road runner. For most of us, our parents taught us that falling from great heights will get you injured; you'd be fucklucky if you survive a blast in the face from a rocket; and for fuck's sake, animals do not walk upright, talk, or fucking write on signs!! We understood that dead was permanent. My parents showed us the world, and that movies and cartoons were fake and there was no way that a live human couldn't do those same things without some sort of help.

Kids today baffle me. They're sheltered and told that they're the best at everything and they're perfect little princesses or princes and they get everything they want. Then when they get to the real world, shit hits the fan. They demand, and when they don't get it, they blame everyone else. You know what, you little shits, no one is perfect, and your parents lied to you when they told you that you were. Sorry, but it's the truth.

Now, before any of you go, "But Ms Dreamer, you're not qualified to say those things. You don't even have children." But I do have two eyes, and two ears, and more sense than God gave a post and even though I like to look at the world and imagine better, I can see the harshness of reality behind it all. And you're not doing anyone any favors.

Shew, LDs. Just felt like ranting a bit. Between my niece and Mr Realist's cousin (o, that's a whole other story - he's revoked her 'little sister' status because she's a rotten little bitch!) and quite a few kids I see in stores and such, I'm rather glad that we don't want or have the childrens. I'd strangle them if they acted like some of these I've seen. And I don't care how much you say "But your kids could be different," I know they would be. Cause I'd be damned sure they wouldn't act like that at home or in public.

*sigh*

Ok, B&M Monday over.

How was your day?

Did you get work done that you needed (I didn't)?

Or did you kick back in a hammock and sip on an icy beer all day (I didn't...and if you did, I kind of hate you right now)?

Tell your Godmother Dreamer. She'll listen and throw back a pint or two with ya.

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Ms Dreamer

Please Forgive Me

Please don't think less of me, LDs, seeing as how I haven't posted a frackin' thing in over a week!

So here I am, sitting at the kitchen table, listening to the sounds of Super Mario Bros 3 coming from the Wii, and pondering the finer points of ... well ... anything!

Mr Realist, Aunt & Uncle & Cousin Dreamer were all down at Camp last weekend (Heepwah!), and had a blast, as usual. Mumsy Dreamer and I are going down for Mother/Daughter Weekend the second weekend in October (can't wait, seeing as how Mumsy has never seen Camp. Boo.).

We were on vacation all week last week. It was a staycation since we're saving up to go to Phoenix in February to watch Brother Realist graduate from MMS (motorcycle mechanic school). Looking forward to warmth right around my birthday! We did get some things accomplished, however. Our living room has a new floor - well, new to us.

See, someone in their wrong mind put carpet in the living room. Don't get me wrong - I like the warmth it gave during the winter, and it was a really pretty blue. It would have gone beautifully with the navy curtains and the yellow walls (curtains exist, wall color is still in process). But there were a couple of rather large stains that just were not coming out. We decided that we were going to pull up a corner and see what it looked like. Much to our surprise, we found some really nice hardwood. Not laminate, but actual wood! There are a few spots that need to be filled, and there's paint splotches around the edge of the room from where they painted the walls white, but once it's sanded, cleaned, and sealed, it's going to be awesome.

Mowed and cleaned the bathroom and living room and Mr Realist cut some low-lying tree branches and played wiffle ball yesterday. Mostly, the rest of the week was much-needed relaxation.

O, Mr Realist and I celebrated our 5th anniversary as a married couple on Friday the 24th! I loves me some hubsand!

My most sincere apologies, again, for not posting for the last week. I've been in kind of a rut, and I'm determined to dig myself out!

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Your 'really doesn't want to go back to work tomorrow because she will have a week's worth of shit to catch up on and doesn't want to do it. At. All.'

Ms Dreamer

PS~I've got a couple things in mind for Bitch and Moan Monday tomorrow :)

I'm a Prankster, you're a Prankster, too.

If any of my LDs read Aunt Bex's blog, you'd understand why I'm a Prankster. She has this...thing...with John C. Mayer. So she's called upon her Merry Band of Pranksters to...

dare I say it?

PRANK someone?

Dear heavens, won't someone think of the childrenz?

While I do think JCM is...well...a douchenozzle (but I likes his voice), and we've been for-fucking-bidden to choose him as our prank, he's not the one I'm interested in.

No, that pedestal is totally reserved for one Angel.

One Luke.
One Special Agent Seeley Booth.
One Green Lantern.

O, LDs, David P. Boreanaz is at the top of my freebie list. Can you see why?

(pic borrowed from Googling David P. Boreanaz)

David P. Boreanaz (wiki) is hot, LDs Some may think it's kind of creepy that both Mumsy Dreamer and I think David P. Boreanaz (imdb) is finer than frog hair. I think it means we have good taste. :)

However, I has a little issue with Mr. David P. Boreanaz. Ya see, David P. Boreanaz cheated on his wife, and only admitted it after the woman he was sleeping with threatened to tell!

Really, David P. Boreanaz? You know what - if your wife's a lazy housewife and bad mother and drinks and does drugs and abuses you (which I can't say because, for all the love that's holy, I don't know either David P. Boreanaz or David P. Boreanaz's wife Jamie Bergman), fine. Get a divorce. Don't cheat. I want to punch David P. Boreanaz in David P. Boreanaz's balls for being a smaller-scale Tiger Woods because he was like Mary Poppins in my book ("practially perfect in every way")

Seeings as how you're working on your marriage (since we haven't seen hide nor hair of your infidelities until after the Tiger Woods/Jesse James/David P. Boreanaz debacle, I'm going to assume that your marriage is on the mend, and for that, I'm happy) (I know, I know, what the fuck am I happy for?), I'm only going to dock you five Housemate points. David P. Boreanaz will only have to spend an hour a day on David P. Boreanaz's knees, worshipping me and showering me with compliments, instead of two.

So, David P. Boreanaz fans: what are your thoughts on David P. Boreanaz's infidelity? Should David P. Boreanaz be made to run through the streets of Hollywood, buck-ass fuckin' naked (o hells yeah to the yummo), proclaiming that David P. Boreanaz is an idiot for cheating on his wife and David P. Boreanaz is glad that his wife is willing to work on the relationship.

I know I'm a bit behind the time in David P. Boreanaz's affair, but it's what docked him Housemate points. I will admit, though, the fact that he's a Steelers fan just makes David P. Boreanaz that much hotter (Mr Realist is a Steelers fan. They should meet.).

LDs, I lust after David P. Boreanaz. But I'm not going to go to LA to stalk him.

I don't know anyone who would let me stay with them.

Who's your curse? Obviously, Aunt Bex's is John C. Mayer.

And this is only to see if I can get on the front page of Google. And piss off a publicist.

I'll keep you updated.

Your David P. Boreanaz-crazy (but not in an "I'm an obsessed stalker" kind of way)

Ms Dreamer

PS - DAVID P BOREANAZ! (he he he...24 times)