Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Day Three - Self Forgiveness

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

This one is an easy one, and I've talked about it here several times.

I forgive you, self, for almost ruining your life.

You were a good girl in high school: didn't get invited go to parties, didn't drink, didn't do drugs, didn't have The Sex. You went from a shit-tastic home life to live with parentals who actually gave a flying fuck about you and your hopes and dreams and who you were.

But then you got to college. You fell in love, and gave up the whole taco to a boy who said you'd be his wife one day because you were just what he'd been searching for...and broke your heart four months later because you were too YOU.

So you turned to The Promiscuity. The Alcohol. The Pot (and LDs, I did more than my fair share of all of it). If he was supplying the brew or the bud, you supplied yourself. You don't remember much of your second semester in college, except that you came thismotherfuckingclose to flunking out. You changed...but it wasn't enough. You tasted the freedom, and you liked it.

And once you had it, you weren't going back to being the "good girl." You did slightly improve your study habits. You stopped smoking The Pot (so much). You stopped drinking The Alcohol (so much). And you found (through The Promiscuity) the man who would become Mr Dreamer (LDs, you know him as Mr Realist), who did make you his wife because you were just what he was looking for and because you were YOU.

You almost fucked up your life quite handily, but you sort of redeemed yourself. "Sort of" because you just wanted to be done with college, so you finished. But you didn't achieve much with finishing college.

But you did. You only half fucked up your life, not wholly.

And that's to be commended...at least, from us.

There are some things that I'm still not forgiving myself on, but I'll keep those to myself until I fix them.

Do you have something to forgive yourself for?

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Ms Dreamer

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Be safe out there.