I have a friend who suggested that I use the Lose It! app for iPhone to track my calories (it's a heckuvalot easier to use than MyFitnessPal). She and I are friends in-app as well as IRL.
I didn't think I ate unhealthily, just too much of it.
Got that fucking right.
Today, I didn't have breakfast, but had Taco Bell for lunch.
Good holy crap on a cracker...I'm already over 1600 calories!!
I've been keeping track since Saturday, and it's really kinda grossing me out.
It's been a giant kick in the teeth, even after only two and a half days.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Made It Monday (a bit late)
I take one day off, and it throws everything out the window.
I know I posted yesterday that I'd have a Made It Monday last night, but yesterday was Tuesday, not Monday, and today is Wednesday, making today Wiseass Wednesday. I'll have a postie on this one later.
In the meantime, here's what I made the other day!
I know I posted yesterday that I'd have a Made It Monday last night, but yesterday was Tuesday, not Monday, and today is Wednesday, making today Wiseass Wednesday. I'll have a postie on this one later.
In the meantime, here's what I made the other day!
Actually, I made two. This one's about 3.5 feet long, and it's hand knitted.
Like literally via my fingers--no sticks!
Here it is, round my neck:
So, I'm giving one away! It's long enough that you could stitch the ends together and make it a necklace/small infinity scarf, or leave it as it is. And no, the octopus necklace is not part of the deal. :)
All you have to do is leave me a comment/email me telling me your favorite cold weather accessory -- is it your gloves that you knitted? Your UGG boots that you got at an outlet mall? The earmuffs you've had since fifth grade?
Giveaway ends Saturday night, 11.59pm Central Standard Time.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Eight Days A Week
I'm working on it.
Again.
The blogging thing.
Made It Monday
Wiseass Wednesday
Finally Friday
Too-Far Tuesday?
How about Ta-Ta Thursday? :)
Whatchoo think? Email me! dreamerandrealist at gmail dot com
Ms D.
I'll have a Made It Monday up later -- finished a scarfy this weekend! lol I'm so lame
Again.
The blogging thing.
Made It Monday
Wiseass Wednesday
Finally Friday
Too-Far Tuesday?
How about Ta-Ta Thursday? :)
Whatchoo think? Email me! dreamerandrealist at gmail dot com
Ms D.
I'll have a Made It Monday up later -- finished a scarfy this weekend! lol I'm so lame
Friday, November 8, 2013
I try to...
not snore, but it doesn't work.
Wednesday night, I was in bed and asleep by 9pm...cause I had to be up at 5am to be ready to be picked up at 6.15 for a 1.5 hour drive for a meeting. So much fun :P
Anyhoo...I was up and taking the dog out at 5; had to get Mr Realist up so he could drive me to the meeting spot, and I was perfectly punctual (for a change).
So last night, I was up until almost 11...it was Thursday, so I throw darts. Almost punched a woman out for being a Cunty McWhore.
I apparently snored loads last night. My throat hurts and I'm exhausted.
Guess who's going to bed early tonight? :)
Ms D.
Wednesday night, I was in bed and asleep by 9pm...cause I had to be up at 5am to be ready to be picked up at 6.15 for a 1.5 hour drive for a meeting. So much fun :P
Anyhoo...I was up and taking the dog out at 5; had to get Mr Realist up so he could drive me to the meeting spot, and I was perfectly punctual (for a change).
So last night, I was up until almost 11...it was Thursday, so I throw darts. Almost punched a woman out for being a Cunty McWhore.
I apparently snored loads last night. My throat hurts and I'm exhausted.
Guess who's going to bed early tonight? :)
Ms D.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Ohmigosh...
Folks, if you've never read Mental Poo, and you're a fan of the irreverent and crude and hilariously funny, go check him out (@Moooooog35 on the twitters, if you're so inclined).
Dreamers, he's snarky and fun and has more than on one occasion made me snort whatever I was drinking out of my noseholes (beer burns, yos).
I bought his first book, "Things Go Wrong For Me" on my Kindle, and I couldn't put it down...woke my husband up a couple of times laughing. He's a master at Draw With Friends.
Well, he's got a new book coming out, and he made a comment on his Facebook that if anyone was interested in reading it early and putting a review on their blog, just let him know. I emailed him, letting him know I would, and I got a response!!
Guys, you gotta check him out.
@moooooog35
Rodney Lacroix on the book of Face
Go forth, dreamers, and follow!!
Dreamers, he's snarky and fun and has more than on one occasion made me snort whatever I was drinking out of my noseholes (beer burns, yos).
I bought his first book, "Things Go Wrong For Me" on my Kindle, and I couldn't put it down...woke my husband up a couple of times laughing. He's a master at Draw With Friends.
Well, he's got a new book coming out, and he made a comment on his Facebook that if anyone was interested in reading it early and putting a review on their blog, just let him know. I emailed him, letting him know I would, and I got a response!!
Guys, you gotta check him out.
@moooooog35
Rodney Lacroix on the book of Face
Go forth, dreamers, and follow!!
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Depressed Puppy
Wednesday was a bad night. I hadn't slept well for two days (approximately 6 hours in 48), so I took a melatonin at about 8.30 and was out cold by 9.15.
10.15 comes along, and Tom wakes me up.
"Daisy's gone." I didn't understand what he meant.
"How'd she get out?" I asked, still asleep.
"No, Daisy's dead, honey." I immediately burst into tears.
We got Daisy three months after we got married; she was born in November due to my sister's dog getting with the dog down the street. Daisy was the runt of four and born with a deformed front right paw. She was ours, our fuzzbutt, our princess, our baby.
10.30 pm on Wednesday night, Tom and I were digging a grave in our backyard for our beloved dog.
We don't think she suffered. Tom said she had her sleepy smile on her face when he found her in the doghouse when he'd gone out to hush Duke up (he was howling, something he never does). She was only a mid-sized dog, but her bloodline (rottweiler, shar-pei, shepherd, chow) are all large dogs, and their lifespan is only between 8-10 years.
Three years ago, she had to have a pretty invasive heartworm treatment done, and the vet did say that it could weaken her heart. We think that's what it was, because even after she was cured, she never did slow down. Spastic right up until the very end.
Duke, up until last night, hadn't slept because he has been looking for his sister (not from same parentage, but she's all he's ever known). We gave him a much-needed bath Friday morning and brought him inside (which is where he's going to be from here on). He's miserable and isn't eating much. I'm worried about him. Tom stayed home this weekend to be with him instead of coming to the con launch of the second book (I'm immortalized in print, yos).
He's not his usual self. I want my Duke back.
And my Daisy. I'm wearing her rabies tag from last year. It's a heart.
Momma, Daddy, and Duke all miss you, punkin.
10.15 comes along, and Tom wakes me up.
"Daisy's gone." I didn't understand what he meant.
"How'd she get out?" I asked, still asleep.
"No, Daisy's dead, honey." I immediately burst into tears.
We got Daisy three months after we got married; she was born in November due to my sister's dog getting with the dog down the street. Daisy was the runt of four and born with a deformed front right paw. She was ours, our fuzzbutt, our princess, our baby.
10.30 pm on Wednesday night, Tom and I were digging a grave in our backyard for our beloved dog.
We don't think she suffered. Tom said she had her sleepy smile on her face when he found her in the doghouse when he'd gone out to hush Duke up (he was howling, something he never does). She was only a mid-sized dog, but her bloodline (rottweiler, shar-pei, shepherd, chow) are all large dogs, and their lifespan is only between 8-10 years.
Three years ago, she had to have a pretty invasive heartworm treatment done, and the vet did say that it could weaken her heart. We think that's what it was, because even after she was cured, she never did slow down. Spastic right up until the very end.
Duke, up until last night, hadn't slept because he has been looking for his sister (not from same parentage, but she's all he's ever known). We gave him a much-needed bath Friday morning and brought him inside (which is where he's going to be from here on). He's miserable and isn't eating much. I'm worried about him. Tom stayed home this weekend to be with him instead of coming to the con launch of the second book (I'm immortalized in print, yos).
He's not his usual self. I want my Duke back.
And my Daisy. I'm wearing her rabies tag from last year. It's a heart.
Momma, Daddy, and Duke all miss you, punkin.
Friday, August 23, 2013
My Friend
If you follow me on Facebook, you may notice that my profile picture is of me, but not my husband.
It's my friend Ryan. At a Party of Epic Proportions in March, so of course, it was for St. Patrick's Day. We drank. We ate. We made merry. And we danced.
Two weeks ago today, my friend Ryan was killed in a drunk driving accident. He was coming home from work in St Louis as a DJ at 2am on Friday morning, when a woman going westbound on the eastbound side of the interstate hit him head on. Killed him instantly, and his car caught fire. The woman was in critical but stable condition last I'd heard.
I don't care. She took my friend's life with her carelessness. If she makes it, she will go to jail and will have to live with what she did to Ryan for the rest of her life. Good.
We're making some window stickers to as a memorial to him. They're the Batman logo--his favorite comic book character. I couldn't even look at the proof without having to go to the bathroom and cry.
Ryan, dude, this sucks. You stayed with us during Contamination. You are a fellow character in "The Apocalypse of Enoch" (zombie novel). Any chance you could stare at my boobs (or ANY girls' boobs, for that matter), you did. Most of us didn't even mind--they're just boobs, after all.
You were my first DnD experience. You were the first to put BiL in his place with the 'your mom!' jokes. You were an excellent DJ and karaoke master. My biggest regret? That I didn't get to sing with you. I'm making that part of "My Ryan List" -- when someone asks me to sing karaoke, I'll do it. There are more goals on my Ryan List, but that's just to start.
I miss you. It's been two weeks, but it seems like forever.
RIP Ryan. I just want to hear you from the heavens, leading the praise team as loud as you possibly can. Which, for you, would be normal.
~Steph
It's my friend Ryan. At a Party of Epic Proportions in March, so of course, it was for St. Patrick's Day. We drank. We ate. We made merry. And we danced.
Two weeks ago today, my friend Ryan was killed in a drunk driving accident. He was coming home from work in St Louis as a DJ at 2am on Friday morning, when a woman going westbound on the eastbound side of the interstate hit him head on. Killed him instantly, and his car caught fire. The woman was in critical but stable condition last I'd heard.
I don't care. She took my friend's life with her carelessness. If she makes it, she will go to jail and will have to live with what she did to Ryan for the rest of her life. Good.
We're making some window stickers to as a memorial to him. They're the Batman logo--his favorite comic book character. I couldn't even look at the proof without having to go to the bathroom and cry.
Ryan, dude, this sucks. You stayed with us during Contamination. You are a fellow character in "The Apocalypse of Enoch" (zombie novel). Any chance you could stare at my boobs (or ANY girls' boobs, for that matter), you did. Most of us didn't even mind--they're just boobs, after all.
You were my first DnD experience. You were the first to put BiL in his place with the 'your mom!' jokes. You were an excellent DJ and karaoke master. My biggest regret? That I didn't get to sing with you. I'm making that part of "My Ryan List" -- when someone asks me to sing karaoke, I'll do it. There are more goals on my Ryan List, but that's just to start.
I miss you. It's been two weeks, but it seems like forever.
RIP Ryan. I just want to hear you from the heavens, leading the praise team as loud as you possibly can. Which, for you, would be normal.
~Steph
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Well, crap.
Well, happened again last night.
I was pregnant in my dreams. Only not by anyone I would consider remotely a good father or friend or decent human being.
Really, brain? You had to put the douchebag in there?
Asshole brain.
And it was yet another boy.
This has got to stop.
I was pregnant in my dreams. Only not by anyone I would consider remotely a good father or friend or decent human being.
Really, brain? You had to put the douchebag in there?
Asshole brain.
And it was yet another boy.
This has got to stop.
Monday, July 29, 2013
Shredded Inside
I've been adamant on here before about children. No way, no how, they're not for me. I'm selfish, shallow, stubborn, and children are sticky, smelly little creatures that I don't have much patience for. I love the fact that I can give them back to their parents after a few hours.
But.
And that's a very large but.
Ever since the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (Prince William and wife Kate Middleton, for you non-Anglophiles) were delivered of a son, His Royal Highness, Prince George, I've been dreaming about children.
As in mine.
As in being delivered of them.
I think I'm going insane.
Please tell me I'm not insane.
Except I hate to be so adamant about something, and then change my mind.
This is tearing me up inside, Dreamers.
Help. I need someone to talk me through this.
For good or bad.
But.
And that's a very large but.
Ever since the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (Prince William and wife Kate Middleton, for you non-Anglophiles) were delivered of a son, His Royal Highness, Prince George, I've been dreaming about children.
As in mine.
As in being delivered of them.
I think I'm going insane.
Please tell me I'm not insane.
Except I hate to be so adamant about something, and then change my mind.
This is tearing me up inside, Dreamers.
Help. I need someone to talk me through this.
For good or bad.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Finally Friday!
It's finally Friday here in the land of the weird.
I had a lovely lunch today with my friend Jen -- had a pork patty lunch from one of the churches here in town, and went to a park and just sat and nattered on for an hour. I needed it -- needed to get out of the office, to have some girl conversation, and just enjoy the outdoors. It does suck that summertime has pulled away the knitting night. Makes part of me yearn for fall and longer hours and more time. :)
I think that this weekend is going to be a good one. Moon's in its waning phase, and it should be a good night tomorrow night just to be outside with a small fire, some good friends, and a beer or three.
I hope everyone's week has gone well, and if it hasn't...well, here's to hoping that your weekend is better.
Ms D
I had a lovely lunch today with my friend Jen -- had a pork patty lunch from one of the churches here in town, and went to a park and just sat and nattered on for an hour. I needed it -- needed to get out of the office, to have some girl conversation, and just enjoy the outdoors. It does suck that summertime has pulled away the knitting night. Makes part of me yearn for fall and longer hours and more time. :)
I think that this weekend is going to be a good one. Moon's in its waning phase, and it should be a good night tomorrow night just to be outside with a small fire, some good friends, and a beer or three.
I hope everyone's week has gone well, and if it hasn't...well, here's to hoping that your weekend is better.
Ms D
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Costuming
Just so you know, LDs, I love playing "dress-up." And not in the "I'm raiding my mother's closet" kind of way.
I'm talking cosplay...short for COStumePLAY. I am currently in a zombie hunting cosplay group: Z.O.D. We dress up in military-type clothing (all black, mind you--red's an accent color), and "hunt zombies." It's rather fun. :)
I'm slowly getting into the Steampunk genre -- I have a couple of madrigal-y type dresses that one of them will be modded into a mechanic's dress; the other, a lovely ballgown.
I'm also working on a Captain America costume for a Party of Epic Proportions happening in September. I think that I may have found the base for my shield. Now to hammer it out!
No matter what anyone says, you're never too old to pretend!
Ms D
I'm talking cosplay...short for COStumePLAY. I am currently in a zombie hunting cosplay group: Z.O.D. We dress up in military-type clothing (all black, mind you--red's an accent color), and "hunt zombies." It's rather fun. :)
I'm slowly getting into the Steampunk genre -- I have a couple of madrigal-y type dresses that one of them will be modded into a mechanic's dress; the other, a lovely ballgown.
I'm also working on a Captain America costume for a Party of Epic Proportions happening in September. I think that I may have found the base for my shield. Now to hammer it out!
No matter what anyone says, you're never too old to pretend!
Ms D
Monday, July 22, 2013
My So-Called Life
You know, I don't think I ever watched that show. Ever. Although Claire Danes is gorgeous...as is Jared Leto. :)
I found this topic at some point over the weekend, and I decided I'd lead off with something easy.
"Share a peek into your daily life." (of course, they spelled it peak and it annoyed me to no end)
6am~alarm goes off for the first time.
6.30~husband gets in the shower.
7~get in the shower.
8~get to work
Noon~lunch
5~headed home (or to the market or to a softball game, depending on the day)
9.30~in bed
11~sleepy
See, that's super easy. It seems like I don't do anything, but I really do, I promise!
While hubs is in the shower, I'm slow to get up (I hate mornings); during lunch, I normally read or write; between the time I get home and being in bed, I make dinner, pick up the house, run the dishwasher or a load of laundry, I may game or read or write or goof around on the internet; between being in bed and going to sleep, I'm usually reading.
I'm generally content to do all of these things, but what I need to do is to get busy working on my Captain America costume for the Party of Epic Proportions that is happening mid-September; that, and hub's Green Lantern costume...sheesh.
What's your daily life like?
Ms D
I found this topic at some point over the weekend, and I decided I'd lead off with something easy.
"Share a peek into your daily life." (of course, they spelled it peak and it annoyed me to no end)
6am~alarm goes off for the first time.
6.30~husband gets in the shower.
7~get in the shower.
8~get to work
Noon~lunch
5~headed home (or to the market or to a softball game, depending on the day)
9.30~in bed
11~sleepy
See, that's super easy. It seems like I don't do anything, but I really do, I promise!
While hubs is in the shower, I'm slow to get up (I hate mornings); during lunch, I normally read or write; between the time I get home and being in bed, I make dinner, pick up the house, run the dishwasher or a load of laundry, I may game or read or write or goof around on the internet; between being in bed and going to sleep, I'm usually reading.
I'm generally content to do all of these things, but what I need to do is to get busy working on my Captain America costume for the Party of Epic Proportions that is happening mid-September; that, and hub's Green Lantern costume...sheesh.
What's your daily life like?
Ms D
Friday, July 19, 2013
Breaking Out
Nah, nothing insidious (good word for a Friday).
I don't know what it is, but I want to write. Here. My books. EVERYWHERE.
I'm trying to Google for some ideas, but I don't want to turn this into some crazy, mass-media blog. That's not me.
I guess that I could start with some easy stuff.
Like who I am. Favorites. Pet Peeves. Hot actors. Hot actresses. Games.
Why the hell I called my boss "Dear" yesterday morning. O.o (yeah, totally did)
If you read this via an email feed, shoot me one back and let me know. dreamerandrealist@gmail.com
Ms D
I don't know what it is, but I want to write. Here. My books. EVERYWHERE.
I'm trying to Google for some ideas, but I don't want to turn this into some crazy, mass-media blog. That's not me.
I guess that I could start with some easy stuff.
Like who I am. Favorites. Pet Peeves. Hot actors. Hot actresses. Games.
Why the hell I called my boss "Dear" yesterday morning. O.o (yeah, totally did)
If you read this via an email feed, shoot me one back and let me know. dreamerandrealist@gmail.com
Ms D
Monday, June 24, 2013
Death walks among us.
I know - maudlin title.
But he does.
He did especially on Friday.
Most of you don't know the feelings and heart behind the relationship (or lack thereof) between myself and the stepfather.
He met my mom when I was 2 (I was living with my grandparents), and married her when I was four (and my sister just four months).
He was an alcoholic and an abusive one. It was "my job" to look out for my sister (because there were more important things to do -- drink beer, smoke pot, etc.). If she got hurt or in trouble, I got the beating.
And I'm not talking about a spanking. I'm talking full-on, grab what you can find (normally, it was his leather belt; hangers, flyswatters, wooden spoons, and a specially-made paddle out of a canoe oar all made their appearances), and beat the shit out of me. Don't get me wrong, she got hit, but not near as often or as violently as I did. There were many times that welts and bruises prevented sitting.
Once, when I was young, I remember getting into trouble and being grounded from the television...but made to sit in front of it with my forehead on the console of it (it was an ancient one).
I couldn't practice my trumpet because "it's too loud, and you're not playing music." I was allowed two sports -- soccer and basketball. Volleyball and softball were out of the question because they cost more money. Creativeness was squashed -- "You won't amount to anything." I don't remember him coming to any sporting events--they cut into his drinking time.
When we went on float trips during the summer, since I was the oldest, I had to paddle the canoe, because "someone has to have dry hands to open cans." Fetching beers was another 'favorite'.
Crying over anything earned you a beating. Grades didn't impress him; neither did the coveted spot of being songleader for your class when it was your grade's turn to do all of the readings and such at Mass. "You can't sing and you're stupid."
"You're the oldest, you need to watch all the younger kids" meant that being only one year older than the next kid (who was a boy and mentally handicapped with an extreme speech impairment) and having to corral at the very least four other kids so they didn't get hurt or in trouble so you didn't earn a beating (and it didn't matter who was there when you took your punishment). The only justification that I got out of it was that when the boy picked on my sister or the younger kids, I could chase him down and beat the crap out of him. More than once I was told "I'm gonna tell my daddy!"...and they thought it was funny.
I moved to my aunt and uncle's house because of avalanching grades when I was 14, two years after the stepfather and my mom got divorced. That same year, I found out that he wasn't my real dad, something that I had prayed for numerous times; that my real dad would come to my mom and apologize for his last words to her ("It's not mine") and want me and I wouldn't have to suffer the beatings. That never happened.
After that, he and I had very little contact. Maybe two calls in five years; saw him on the rare occasion when I went to Springfield to see my mom and sister whilst I was in college.
My sister was supposed to bring my mother to my college graduation, but she was too hungover to be up in time...so she brought my stepdad, someone I didn't want there. I'm just glad she didn't decide to invite him to my wedding. I'd have cheerfully killed her and him both.
The reason behind the title? He died on Friday evening, after my sister made the call as his Power of Attorney to pull him off life support, but they got to the hospital before she did (he wanted a DNR--Do Not Resuscitate). Kidneys had already shut down, his liver was failing (that was due to his alcoholism), and he had lung cancer. In addition to that, he'd pretty much pickled his brain by drinking and crack (yes, he'd progressed from just beer and weed to smoking crack. He had loads of money after his mom and his sisters died, so he went crazy and blew more than $60K). The only thing that wasn't affected was his heart -- still beating strong even after they took him off of the vent for a couple of hours.
He went slowly and still in a coma. I was there for my mom and my sister, holding his arm and hand because my mom wanted me to. I would have been ok just sitting in the chair in the corner, being there for them. If they went down to smoke, I moved to the chair beside him. Only once did I speak to him, to tell him that I was sorry I wasn't the daughter he wanted, that I was someone else's by-blow.
That was all. 8.08pm on Friday, he took his last breath and his heart finally stopped. I cried for my sister, my mother, and my niece. I cried enough over him when I tried to be a good daughter.
Some of you know me personally and know that I am a caring person, that I hate hurting people's feelings and will do anything to help. I think I am more upset that I don't feel bad that he's dead. My heart hurts for my family, but not for him.
He'd been "dying" for the last 25 years. It's finally done.
If you wouldn't mind giving up some prayers/good thoughts/love for my sister, it would be appreciated. She's having a really hard time with this.
The Stepfather
1957-2013
**Edit: correction on birth year. I was putting him at sperm donor's age***
But he does.
He did especially on Friday.
Most of you don't know the feelings and heart behind the relationship (or lack thereof) between myself and the stepfather.
He met my mom when I was 2 (I was living with my grandparents), and married her when I was four (and my sister just four months).
He was an alcoholic and an abusive one. It was "my job" to look out for my sister (because there were more important things to do -- drink beer, smoke pot, etc.). If she got hurt or in trouble, I got the beating.
And I'm not talking about a spanking. I'm talking full-on, grab what you can find (normally, it was his leather belt; hangers, flyswatters, wooden spoons, and a specially-made paddle out of a canoe oar all made their appearances), and beat the shit out of me. Don't get me wrong, she got hit, but not near as often or as violently as I did. There were many times that welts and bruises prevented sitting.
Once, when I was young, I remember getting into trouble and being grounded from the television...but made to sit in front of it with my forehead on the console of it (it was an ancient one).
I couldn't practice my trumpet because "it's too loud, and you're not playing music." I was allowed two sports -- soccer and basketball. Volleyball and softball were out of the question because they cost more money. Creativeness was squashed -- "You won't amount to anything." I don't remember him coming to any sporting events--they cut into his drinking time.
When we went on float trips during the summer, since I was the oldest, I had to paddle the canoe, because "someone has to have dry hands to open cans." Fetching beers was another 'favorite'.
Crying over anything earned you a beating. Grades didn't impress him; neither did the coveted spot of being songleader for your class when it was your grade's turn to do all of the readings and such at Mass. "You can't sing and you're stupid."
"You're the oldest, you need to watch all the younger kids" meant that being only one year older than the next kid (who was a boy and mentally handicapped with an extreme speech impairment) and having to corral at the very least four other kids so they didn't get hurt or in trouble so you didn't earn a beating (and it didn't matter who was there when you took your punishment). The only justification that I got out of it was that when the boy picked on my sister or the younger kids, I could chase him down and beat the crap out of him. More than once I was told "I'm gonna tell my daddy!"...and they thought it was funny.
I moved to my aunt and uncle's house because of avalanching grades when I was 14, two years after the stepfather and my mom got divorced. That same year, I found out that he wasn't my real dad, something that I had prayed for numerous times; that my real dad would come to my mom and apologize for his last words to her ("It's not mine") and want me and I wouldn't have to suffer the beatings. That never happened.
After that, he and I had very little contact. Maybe two calls in five years; saw him on the rare occasion when I went to Springfield to see my mom and sister whilst I was in college.
My sister was supposed to bring my mother to my college graduation, but she was too hungover to be up in time...so she brought my stepdad, someone I didn't want there. I'm just glad she didn't decide to invite him to my wedding. I'd have cheerfully killed her and him both.
The reason behind the title? He died on Friday evening, after my sister made the call as his Power of Attorney to pull him off life support, but they got to the hospital before she did (he wanted a DNR--Do Not Resuscitate). Kidneys had already shut down, his liver was failing (that was due to his alcoholism), and he had lung cancer. In addition to that, he'd pretty much pickled his brain by drinking and crack (yes, he'd progressed from just beer and weed to smoking crack. He had loads of money after his mom and his sisters died, so he went crazy and blew more than $60K). The only thing that wasn't affected was his heart -- still beating strong even after they took him off of the vent for a couple of hours.
He went slowly and still in a coma. I was there for my mom and my sister, holding his arm and hand because my mom wanted me to. I would have been ok just sitting in the chair in the corner, being there for them. If they went down to smoke, I moved to the chair beside him. Only once did I speak to him, to tell him that I was sorry I wasn't the daughter he wanted, that I was someone else's by-blow.
That was all. 8.08pm on Friday, he took his last breath and his heart finally stopped. I cried for my sister, my mother, and my niece. I cried enough over him when I tried to be a good daughter.
Some of you know me personally and know that I am a caring person, that I hate hurting people's feelings and will do anything to help. I think I am more upset that I don't feel bad that he's dead. My heart hurts for my family, but not for him.
He'd been "dying" for the last 25 years. It's finally done.
If you wouldn't mind giving up some prayers/good thoughts/love for my sister, it would be appreciated. She's having a really hard time with this.
The Stepfather
1957-2013
**Edit: correction on birth year. I was putting him at sperm donor's age***
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Stuck in the middle...
It's not a good day already. I feel blah - like just need to go home, crawl back into bed, and do nothing. All day.
How about I'm sitting here in my office, trying not to cry because I'm so sick of people and their stupidity.
I'm "just" Customer Service at the company I work for (more like my boss's assistant and CS and licensing and whatever else he needs done), but I don't get the same respect or help that "regular" CS does. I look like a fucking jackass when I get asked questions that I can't answer.
I'm "just" Customer Service, but I get left out of training because I may not need it immediately...and then get left out of the fun things as well (dinner with our sales reps that I still talk to).
I'm "just" Customer Service, so my part of my mobile phone bill isn't paid for, but work can still call me on vacation days.
I feel like a whiny baby right now...doesn't help that Auntie Flo is here and I haven't been sleeping well and we're not getting raises (at least until September...meaning not at all) this year, and I'm tired of it.
So tired...of everything.
How about I'm sitting here in my office, trying not to cry because I'm so sick of people and their stupidity.
I'm "just" Customer Service at the company I work for (more like my boss's assistant and CS and licensing and whatever else he needs done), but I don't get the same respect or help that "regular" CS does. I look like a fucking jackass when I get asked questions that I can't answer.
I'm "just" Customer Service, but I get left out of training because I may not need it immediately...and then get left out of the fun things as well (dinner with our sales reps that I still talk to).
I'm "just" Customer Service, so my part of my mobile phone bill isn't paid for, but work can still call me on vacation days.
I feel like a whiny baby right now...doesn't help that Auntie Flo is here and I haven't been sleeping well and we're not getting raises (at least until September...meaning not at all) this year, and I'm tired of it.
So tired...of everything.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Chubby Cheerleader?
I was perusing Yahoo this morning while waiting on my system to boot up, and the first story I came across was this one:
Female Blogger Weight-Shames Cheerleader
Being a former high school and collegiate cheerleader, who was NEVER one of the skinny ones (gotta have bases!), I took immense offense to the hag who wrote the original piece. CBS Houston has taken it down, but I'm diligently searching for it. The Yahoo story was more on the positive side, but I found one that said that she should "either don't be a professional cheerleader or don't be pudgy." *facepalm*
You know, not everybody likes looking at super skinny girls where you can see ribs more than muscle or hip bones more than boobs. I have both slender/skinny/thin friends, and those who are built more like me (I'm fat, yos). The majority of my guy friends are more interested in a girl who can/will eat, and not just a diet salad.
Maybe she enjoys her food, but still works out to maintain a healthy weight. Maybe she's got some water-weight gain from PMS. Maybe she's tried everything to get rid of the softness in her middle, and nothing's worked, so she said "Fuck it. I'm an NBA cheerleader. As long as I can do this, I'll keep doing it, and I'm going to rock the outfit for those guys who prefer softness to hard angles."
I honestly don't know what she said to herself when this story came out. It doesn't matter. She's kicking ass and taking names in the NBA dance world, and she can KEEP rocking it. She's a new hero to girls all over who think that they have to have six-pack abs and huge boobs to do something they love.
Hell, she's a new hero to ME.
MsDreamer
Female Blogger Weight-Shames Cheerleader
Being a former high school and collegiate cheerleader, who was NEVER one of the skinny ones (gotta have bases!), I took immense offense to the hag who wrote the original piece. CBS Houston has taken it down, but I'm diligently searching for it. The Yahoo story was more on the positive side, but I found one that said that she should "either don't be a professional cheerleader or don't be pudgy." *facepalm*
You know, not everybody likes looking at super skinny girls where you can see ribs more than muscle or hip bones more than boobs. I have both slender/skinny/thin friends, and those who are built more like me (I'm fat, yos). The majority of my guy friends are more interested in a girl who can/will eat, and not just a diet salad.
Maybe she enjoys her food, but still works out to maintain a healthy weight. Maybe she's got some water-weight gain from PMS. Maybe she's tried everything to get rid of the softness in her middle, and nothing's worked, so she said "Fuck it. I'm an NBA cheerleader. As long as I can do this, I'll keep doing it, and I'm going to rock the outfit for those guys who prefer softness to hard angles."
I honestly don't know what she said to herself when this story came out. It doesn't matter. She's kicking ass and taking names in the NBA dance world, and she can KEEP rocking it. She's a new hero to girls all over who think that they have to have six-pack abs and huge boobs to do something they love.
Hell, she's a new hero to ME.
MsDreamer
Monday, April 22, 2013
Updates for You!
Dreamers, lemme hit you with some updates here!
Mr Realist got a job!! He's the new Director of Document Retention at a bank near us :)
The nice part is, he was doing it at the bank he worked at before he went to the dealership, so it's all stuff he knows how to do! Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the prayers and good thoughts that you sent our way. Now, to get on with being able to purchase needs -- new stove, new living room furniture.
Mr Realist surprised me with some information on Friday night. We've got an extra paycheck coming in May, and he said that he's going to make it up to me for keeping him on track and mostly out of his depression for the three months that he was unemployed. Now, do I want a pretty necklace or earrings? :) In my defense, he did say he was taking me to a jewelry store.
We're rearranging the house. Not just the stuff inside the rooms, but the rooms themselves. See, when you were to walk into my house, you were in the living room. From there, you could walk into the kitchen; left to the bathroom and the spare room; and keep on straight to the master bedroom.
Well, the spare room is now our bedroom (just big enough for our bed and two dressers); what was the living room is now the front room of crafts/storage/deep freeze; and what was the master bedroom is now the living room -- it's the biggest room in the house.
Now...what do do with all my crap! I've taken almost 10 boxes to Salvation Army, and five bags of trash out (papers, misc stuff). I'm slowly organizing my crafts, and we're building a sewing table for me as well. Poor JB -- gonna have to deal with Mum's sewing noise. :)
How's your days been, Dreamers?
Ms D
Mr Realist got a job!! He's the new Director of Document Retention at a bank near us :)
The nice part is, he was doing it at the bank he worked at before he went to the dealership, so it's all stuff he knows how to do! Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of the prayers and good thoughts that you sent our way. Now, to get on with being able to purchase needs -- new stove, new living room furniture.
Mr Realist surprised me with some information on Friday night. We've got an extra paycheck coming in May, and he said that he's going to make it up to me for keeping him on track and mostly out of his depression for the three months that he was unemployed. Now, do I want a pretty necklace or earrings? :) In my defense, he did say he was taking me to a jewelry store.
We're rearranging the house. Not just the stuff inside the rooms, but the rooms themselves. See, when you were to walk into my house, you were in the living room. From there, you could walk into the kitchen; left to the bathroom and the spare room; and keep on straight to the master bedroom.
Well, the spare room is now our bedroom (just big enough for our bed and two dressers); what was the living room is now the front room of crafts/storage/deep freeze; and what was the master bedroom is now the living room -- it's the biggest room in the house.
Now...what do do with all my crap! I've taken almost 10 boxes to Salvation Army, and five bags of trash out (papers, misc stuff). I'm slowly organizing my crafts, and we're building a sewing table for me as well. Poor JB -- gonna have to deal with Mum's sewing noise. :)
How's your days been, Dreamers?
Ms D
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Stress...
Yanno, I'm starting to stress out here, just a bit.
Mr Realist is sick. Again.
Here's what kills me--he never, ever got sick this many times prior to them putting him on the Metformin for diabetes.
I'm doing some research on metformin and immune system. So far, nothing I've read is good. Seems like it's depleting his B-12 levels, and that's what's causing him to catch colds so damned easily.
If any of you are diabetic and on metformin and are having the same issue, let me know what you're doing about it, please.
Ms D
PS--it doesn't help that we're on day 21 of no income for Mr Realist. Hopefully he hears back from unemployment today.
Mr Realist is sick. Again.
Here's what kills me--he never, ever got sick this many times prior to them putting him on the Metformin for diabetes.
I'm doing some research on metformin and immune system. So far, nothing I've read is good. Seems like it's depleting his B-12 levels, and that's what's causing him to catch colds so damned easily.
If any of you are diabetic and on metformin and are having the same issue, let me know what you're doing about it, please.
Ms D
PS--it doesn't help that we're on day 21 of no income for Mr Realist. Hopefully he hears back from unemployment today.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Yanno...
If you were able to read my Baby Daddy post a few weeks ago, feel privileged I've since put it back to drafts - not because I'm ashamed of what I wrote, but for my own piece of mind, I've halted it.
I do miss my friend, but I miss my pupper nephew more. I want to snuggle with Foofer (not his real name) and have him waller all over me, letting me be the Foofer Whisperer. That dog lurves me.
I think I'm more hurt that I can't see him than me not being able to see her. The hurt that I can't see Foofer or Rulo hurts way more than not being able to see T.
Send up a few prayers for us, please. Mr Realist is still unemployed.
Ms D
I do miss my friend, but I miss my pupper nephew more. I want to snuggle with Foofer (not his real name) and have him waller all over me, letting me be the Foofer Whisperer. That dog lurves me.
I think I'm more hurt that I can't see him than me not being able to see her. The hurt that I can't see Foofer or Rulo hurts way more than not being able to see T.
Send up a few prayers for us, please. Mr Realist is still unemployed.
Ms D
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Prayer
I like to think that God and I have a decent relationship. I may not be a church goer, but I do talk to Him.
Sometimes on a daily basis, sometimes every couple of weeks or so, and sometimes, it's just to say "I'd like to hear you more."
There are some days, like today, where I speak to Him from my heart because I need Him. I need Him to hold my hand and tell me that "I'll help you get through this."
I struggle with life sometimes. Work, bills, things I need to do vs things I want to do.
It's been a hard week so far, Dreamers. If you could offer up a prayer or some good karma or whatever, I would really appreciate it.
Ms D.
Sometimes on a daily basis, sometimes every couple of weeks or so, and sometimes, it's just to say "I'd like to hear you more."
There are some days, like today, where I speak to Him from my heart because I need Him. I need Him to hold my hand and tell me that "I'll help you get through this."
I struggle with life sometimes. Work, bills, things I need to do vs things I want to do.
It's been a hard week so far, Dreamers. If you could offer up a prayer or some good karma or whatever, I would really appreciate it.
Ms D.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Complete Denial
It's going to be a long day...or I hope not. It's not that I'm dreading going in for this ultrasound, but I think it's fear of what they're going to find.
I actually read over the test request that I have to take in, and I came across a word that I was unsure of: 'menorrhagia'. I mean, I'd come across it prior to last night in Googling "heavy periods", but I really didn't pay much attention to it.
Holy shit, I wish I would have, and asked about it before now. I guess in the last six months, year or so, it's gotten worse.
(most of you who read my blog, however infrequently I post, are female--meaning you know what periods are like. If yours are normal and bang on, I kinda dislike you. :) )
I looked it up. Dear God, this was ridiculous: (per the Mayo Clinic)
I actually read over the test request that I have to take in, and I came across a word that I was unsure of: 'menorrhagia'. I mean, I'd come across it prior to last night in Googling "heavy periods", but I really didn't pay much attention to it.
Holy shit, I wish I would have, and asked about it before now. I guess in the last six months, year or so, it's gotten worse.
(most of you who read my blog, however infrequently I post, are female--meaning you know what periods are like. If yours are normal and bang on, I kinda dislike you. :) )
I looked it up. Dear God, this was ridiculous: (per the Mayo Clinic)
The signs and symptoms of menorrhagia may include:
- Soaking through one or more sanitary pads or tampons every hour for several consecutive hours (Done)
- Needing to use double sanitary protection to control your menstrual flow (Done)
- Needing to wake up to change sanitary protection during the night (Done)
- Bleeding for a week or longer (Not normally, but I have)
- Passing large blood clots with menstrual flow (Done)
- Restricting daily activities due to heavy menstrual flow (Done)
- Symptoms of anemia, such as tiredness, fatigue or shortness of breath (Done)
Well, fuckanolis. If you deal with this, please please please go see your doctor.
I'll let you know how this goes... :P
Ms D
Friday, January 4, 2013
Happy Friday
Or in the case of work, it's Fuck You Friday! Someone pisses you off? Respond with "Fuck You!" (seems to work in a room full of men--it's me and five guys). Makes me feel better!
Anyway, had to go for my yearly today. Blood pressure's still not good, so we're upping the dosage of my metoprolol.
We're also going to look into some sort of birth control for me -- either an iud or the depo shot. See, for the longest time, my cycles were bang-on 28 days. Within the last couple of years, however, they're becoming more and more sporadic. Like few days early...few days late...week early...week late...spotting around ovulation and through to period...spotting between times...it's driving me absolutely batshit crazy.
So next week, I get to go in for a transvaginal ultrasound to see if I'm even a good candidate for an iud. She's also looking for any cysts or endometriosis (?) because I'm a super heavy. Like I'll go through a super tampon in about two hours, so I have to wear back up pads. I don't dare try the divacup (even though that would be awesome), because I'm sure I'd overrun that one. :P I'm glad Mr Realist is off that day so he can go with me.
I had to tell my boss why I'm going to be out for half a day next week while he's at a trade show. He's concerned for me - it's sweet. he's got a wife, so it's not like a period is foreign to him, right? :).
So, Mother Nature? Fuck you.
Ms D
Anyway, had to go for my yearly today. Blood pressure's still not good, so we're upping the dosage of my metoprolol.
We're also going to look into some sort of birth control for me -- either an iud or the depo shot. See, for the longest time, my cycles were bang-on 28 days. Within the last couple of years, however, they're becoming more and more sporadic. Like few days early...few days late...week early...week late...spotting around ovulation and through to period...spotting between times...it's driving me absolutely batshit crazy.
So next week, I get to go in for a transvaginal ultrasound to see if I'm even a good candidate for an iud. She's also looking for any cysts or endometriosis (?) because I'm a super heavy. Like I'll go through a super tampon in about two hours, so I have to wear back up pads. I don't dare try the divacup (even though that would be awesome), because I'm sure I'd overrun that one. :P I'm glad Mr Realist is off that day so he can go with me.
I had to tell my boss why I'm going to be out for half a day next week while he's at a trade show. He's concerned for me - it's sweet. he's got a wife, so it's not like a period is foreign to him, right? :).
So, Mother Nature? Fuck you.
Ms D
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
'ello 2013!
Hello out there in interwebz land!
Immabout to make 2013 my year in every sense of the word -- I haven't had a soda since Monday night (partially because I have no pocket money...), and I'm working on some other things.
I've recently been promoted to the Lead Agent for the Ladies of Z.O.D. (ZOD is a cosplay group that I'm in that stands for Zombification, Orientation, and Defense). Not a single one of us LoZ members are typical model-worthy, but we can kick some zombie ass! Now, because I'm now the Lead Agent, I'm going to start doing some girly things (which I don't normally) to help with the photoshoots and such--need to learn some new hairstyles and makeup applications.
In addition to Lead Agent, I'm also probably going to be heading up the DieselPunk division of LoZ -- Oma made me a steampunk-y skirt for Christmas, and I'm in the middle of designing/having some jewelry made for my costume. Anyone know where to get tiny glass vials or hourglasses or pocket watches that aren't going to cost an arm and a leg?
I'm going to start doing some yoga or stuff to help get myself healthier -- I can't keep eating fast foods all the time.
I'm going to do better on documenting books I've read/projects I'm working on/etc. I'll TRY to remember to post them here...of course, I may link them to my tumblr account as well (seems easier posting there with the pictures and such).
Mr Realist and I got a new camera for Christmas as our joint gift -- wasn't that expensive, either. I'll get to learn to play with it, take it to conventions and stuff. You know - the fun stuff!
Anyway, I'm rambling and have got to get back to work.
Sending loves, and be safe out there.
Ms D
2012 Library - Blown Away
In 2011 and again in 2012, I agreed to do Kristen's Book Challenge. In doing so, I said that I was going to read 75 books in 2012 (down just a bit from 100 in 2011).
I've been keeping track of them on my Kindle, so here goes (in no particular order):
Tawny Taylor - Private Games
Louise Wise - A Proper Charlie
Stephanie Havidad - A Previous Engagement
Naomi Kramer - Dead(ish)
Brenda Hiatt - Rogue's Honor
Alyssa Kress - Marriage by Mistake
Ann Bruce - Rules of Engagment
Lisa Mondello - Nothing But Trouble
Stacey Joey Netzel - Holding out for a Hero
Rhonda Nelson - Double Dare
Chrissy Olinger - My Boyfriend's Back
Stina Leicht - Of Blood and Honor
Juliette Sobanel - Kissed in Paris
Karen Cartwell - Foxy's Tale
Marianne Stephens - Second Sight Dating
? (can't read it) - For Love of Livvy
Kathleen Brooks - Bluegrass State of Mind
Judy Jarvis - Nanny Behaving Badly
Heather Horrocks (?) - Bah, Humbug!
Carol Grace - Mail-Order Millionaire
Rober DeCoteau - Zombie Tales
Chari ? - Haunted New York City
Rachel Corbett - A Killing In Iowa
Willow Cross - Haunted
? - Night Stalks the Mansion
CL Bevill - Bubba and the Dead Woman
Janice Thompson - Fools Rush In
Natasha ? - Quiet River
Rose Gordon - Intentions of the Earl
Debra Webb - Keeping Kennedy
MaryJanice Davidson - Me, Myself, and Why?
Karen Whiddon - Powerful Magic
Michael West - Poseidon's Children
Danny Gillan - Scratch
Shelli Stevens - Dangerous Ground
Leigh Michaels - The Mistress' House
Christy Hayes - Dodge the Bullet
Nancy ? - The Eighth Sea
Ameilia Grey - Never a Bride
Caroline Hanson - Bewitching the Warlock
Stephanie Rowe - Kiss At Your Own Risk
Ruby Storm - Keeper of the Spirit
Sarah Wood? - Daughter of Time
Julia Crane - Coexist
Marissa Frrar - Alone
Megg J? - Sleepers
Cheryl Bolen - Lady Sophia's Rescue
R. William Rogers - Toward a New Beginning
Jason Tesar - The Awakened
Deanna Chase - Haunted on Bourbon street
Vicki Lewis Thompson - Already Home
EA Beard - The Emerald City
Caitlyn Duffy - The Rock Star's Daughter
Pamela Glaze - Sweet Release
Elise Marion - My Ex-Wife's Wedding
Christie Craig - Divorced, Desperate, and Delicious
Mandy Rosco - The Princess' Dragon Lord
JR Rain - Dark Hourse
Jana DeLeon - Trouble in Mudbug
Kathleen Mor? - Child of the Mist
Darcia Helle - Enemies and Playmates
JR Rain - Moon Dance
Sharon Gillenwater - Jenna's Cowboy
Brenda Jackson - Irresistible Forces
The Incredible Story of Rookie Roller Derby Queen Cindy McCoy
Tony Bertauski - The Annihilation of Foreverland
Mary Campisi - A Family Affair
Kathryin Leve? - The Gorgon
Katri Cardew - Not Really Mr Smith
Chanda Hahn - UnEnchanted
Elizabeth Hunter - A Hidden Fire
Dahlia Lu - The Dark God's Brides
Chanda Hahn - Fiarest
Marta Perry - Hide in Plain Sight
Christine Merril - The Inconvenient Duchess
Darcy Br? - Her Wicked Ways
Lorena McCourtney - Invisible
Dominique Adair - Seducing Jane Porter
KJ Pullen - The Marriage Pact
Monique Martin - Out of Time
Zack Mason - Shift
Jennifer Skully - She's Gonna Be Mine
Tina Folsom - A Touch of Greek
? - Time Masters
HP Mallory - Fire Burn and Cauldron Bubble
Liliana Hart - Dane
Karen Kay - Lakota Surrender
Elisabeth Naughton - Stolen Fury
Abby Gaines - Married by Mistake
Christie Craig - Shut Up and Kiss Me
MD James - The Billionaire of Aspen Estates
Skye Warren - Beauty touched the Beast
Sable Jordan - Shaken n Stirred
Bob McElwain - Free to Die
Cynthia Wicklund - In the Garden of Temptation
Edie Clarke - Never Buried
ZL Arkadia - The Seventh Sister
GP Ching - Soulkeepers
Cynthia Leitich - Haunted Love
JR Barrett/Barnett - Beauty and the Feast
Elizabeth Marshall - When Fate Dictates
Jasinda Wilder - Big Girls Do It Wilder
Andrew E Kaufman - The Lion The Lamb The Hunted
Elaine Mercado - Grave's End
Lucinda Brant - Midnight Marriage
Jennifer St Giles - Mistress Trevelyan
Stephanie Bond - Voodoo or Die
Jennifer Coburn - The Queen Gene
Emma Lee-Potter - School Ties
Sandi Krawchenko ? - Ravenscraig
Vivi Andrews - The Ghost Exterminator: A Love Story
? - Princess Paisley
Barbara Freethy - A Secret Wish
? - Everflame
Deborah Cooke - Double Trouble
Harriet Sebutz - Lust and Honor
Penelope King - Witchy, Witchy
Kristie Cook - Promise
Cynthia Ruchti - They Almost Always Come Home
J Flores - Stories from a Teacher
PT Michelle - Brightest Kind of Darkness
Miriam Minger - Twin Passions
Debby Conrad - Love, Lies, and High Heels
Kris Pearson - The Boat Builder's Bed
Heather Graham - The Gatekeepers
Belinda Boring - The Mystic Wolves
Kate Perry - Playing for Keeps
Heather MacAllister - Haunted Spouse
Shelly Crane - Collide
Gabriel ? - Dark Creations
Connie Mason - The Last Rogue
Leigh Greenwood - Pete
Kate Perry - Return To You
Dee Carney - Open Door Invitation
Mira Lyn Kelly - Waking Up Married
Elizabeth Sherry - Under the Aspens
Christina Tetreault - The Teacher's Billionaire
Claudy Conn - Runaway Heart
Rachel Astor - Bridemaid Lotto
Cali MacKay - The Highlander's Hope
Reeni Austin - Fresh Temptation
Danelle Harmon - The Wild One
Patricia Ryan - Hale's Point
Mandy M Roth - King, King, Goose?
KR Smith - Claimed
Anya Bast - OtherKin Fury
Kristen Ashley - Motorcycle Man
Alice Clayton - The Unidentified Redhead
Julia Crane - Consumed
Holy fuckanolis...that's 149 books!! I blew away my goal for the year...and I've only had my Kindle since February (gotta love free Kindle books). This is NOT counting the physical books that I read in 2012, of which I did not keep a list (they're all still at my bedside, though).
I'm definitely going to go back through and correct any spellings and unreadable names (can't reupload at work...boo).
Here's hoping that she does it again this year (of course, I'll keep better track - linking and such) :)
Ms D
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