Why is it so hard to tell my husband things when they affect him? Yesterday (since Mr. Realist works in a bank), he consumed an entire box (yeah, twelve) normal sized doughnuts. I worry about him. He had three for breakfast, Taco Bell for lunch (a chalupa, a double-decker taco, and a chicken taco, along with half a bag of the cinnatwists), and the rest of them between 1pm and 5pm. Sorry, I take that back - he had two Sunday night as a snack. So he only consumed ten on Monday. Ten fucking doughnuts. And to top it all off, he had a chicken fried steak and a mound of mashed potatoes for dinner that I had to cook. Apparently, he's above reading a cookbook and making dinner on his random day off.
Don't get me wrong; I love my husband. But he's lazy. Unmotivated. Would rather sit in front of the computer or the TV watching a movie than do anything else. Hates to read. Wants me to feel bad for him because 'he doesn't have any friends.' Is 'jealous' that I have Pampered Chef and Angora Management and I read and write and 'have friends.' Thinks that my "Sweet Sixteen (x2)" birthday idea is a lame one.
I want to go back to school, but I don't know how to do it. Dear Readers, please don't think ill of me for what I'm about to tell you (two of you already know).
We've filed Chapter 13. It's about half medical, half credit cards. For the next five years, we won't be getting a tax return. It'll go to the 13 payoff.
I'd like to go back to school, but I don't think I can. We don't have children to warrant the 'mom goes back to school' shiz I've seen all over the interwebz. We don't have near enough in savings (hell, there's just enough to cover our insurance deductibles) for me to be able to quit my job and go back to school full time. If I did, there would be no insurance for me (it's kind of expensive to put me on his due to my 'pre-existing condition' of high blood pressure, and that's because I'm fat - no need to sugar coat it, is there?).
I'd like to go work out. Just running (jogging...ok, fast walk) is good for me. It's how I lost weight the first time around when I was in high school. He doesn't want to. Two summers ago, we bought ourselves brand new bicycles (we had the cash saved for these) so we could go riding. Get some exercise. Lose weight. His has been ridden exactly one time (he fell and hurt his tailbone at work, and couldn't sit well). Mine's gotten a bit more use, but not near enough as it needs.
We started the Wii Active. He got ill about three weeks in, and it hasn't been touched since.
Sorry for the depressing post.
But it's what was on my mind.
Anne Lamott tells us, "Listen to your broccoli, and your broccoli will tell you how to eat it." She's referring to that inner voice that we hardly ever hear anymore.
Today, take a few minutes to be still and quiet. Listen to your inner voice and write what she/he says. That's it. Whatever it is that's in there, let it out.
Don't like broccoli? Have a taste of these veggies: