Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Wife of a Different Color

Last week, we mowed our yard and the neighbor's yard. There's a reason behind mowing the neighbor's. The house we bought used to be our friend Carla's (we started renting it from her when she couldn't afford it anymore, and she sold it to us six months later). The house to the east is where her grandma used to live (she's gone now). We've been mowing that yard for three years now - two years because a 91-year old lady who has just enough strength to haul her 80 pound body around definitely can't mow a yard. This summer, the renter doesn't have a mower (he's newly divorced), so we keep mowing as to keep up the neighborhood. The first year, Grandma tried to pay us in money because we 'didn't need to mow an old lady's grass for free.' You know how hard it is to take money from someone on a fixed income? We'd put it back in her hands and walk away...so she figured she'd start paying us in Cokes and Twinkies (yeah, like Realist and I need that stuff, ha ha), and she did that the first year and last year. She'd been in the nursing home, so the family decided to rent it out. Enter third year. Neighbor's girlfriend and her three kids moved in a couple of months ago. C (girl) is 15, B (boy) is 11 or 12, and D (boy) is 9 or 10. D is kind of slow, and I guess he's learned to use that to his advantage. When Realist catches him doing something he's not supposed to be (like beating on the siding with a large stick), he drops the object and runs. The window of the shed in Grandma's back yard is broken out, there are old tools strung everywhere (mind you, we have to pick this up before we mow...every time), and now this. We had some rock from my uncle sitting at the end of the driveway. There were large rocks, shells, marbles, and several chunks of desert glass (this has all since been moved to the front landscaping under our front windows). Being as it were, I couldn't have told you if there were pieces missing.

But there were.
And I found one.
Piece of desert glass.
Under the edge of the lilac bush.
With the mower.

CLANG! *dead* I'm pretty sure the non-abbreviation for WTF! came spewing out of my mouth. I pushed the mower to the driveway while Realist checked under the bush and came up with the piece of desert glass, now in three. I was hot. Grumbling about 'stupid children and watch your damn kids' all the way to the front porch, I grabbed the putty knife and figured I'd clean out the mulched grass while I surveyed the damage. Nice big ding in the blade (it needed sharpened anyway, but we're going to have to buy a new one) and when I took the blade adapter off, there's a big chunk missing out of it as well. "Mother Effer" definitely came out of my mouth then. Can't run the mower without the adapter or a blade that wouldn't cut butter. I went to TSC yesterday on my lunch hour - they'll need the serial number from the mower. Got that this morning. They ordered the part for me - $30 EFFING DOLLARS FOR A SMALL PIECE OF METAL?! Are you out of your bloomin' minds? Then I get told that it'll be 7-10 days to me...after they get the part in to the manufacturer (funny, I'm in manufacturing, so I know what they mean...it's still off-putting). So I'm reduced to cutting the whole yard with the rider (the front yard's just a bit small to be using it) or the weedeater...or a scissors (damn...should make D do it for stealing my rocks and then leaving it in the yard) for two weeks while my part comes in.

I told you those stories to tell you this one and to explain the title (I know...makes me sound like Ron 'Tater Salad' White). Realist took the part into Virden today to see if their repair shop had it. The three gentlemen that helped him out were apparently floored that Realist didn't take the blade off and discover the break, but Realist's WIFE! One guy even said that he can't get his wife to change a light bulb. Realist proceeded to tell them that I know how to do light electrical and plumbing and fixing little things (like the screen door), and they were impressed. Oh dear. I've been told both of these following comments several times, and I would bet that this thought ran through at least one of those gentlemen's heads: "Wish my wife would do/let me do that" or "Does she have a twin sister?"

Apparently girls aren't supposed to know things. My first truck? 1987 Dodge Dakota 3.9 liter V-6 (impressed the oil change guys with that one). When you're adding an outlet, what color wires do you use? Green is ground, black is hot, and white is neutral. What do you do first when you need to fix anything on your toilet? Turn off the water and flush! Give me some solder and some flux and a torch and some copper pipe and 90 degree els (elbows)? I can make you a picture frame! :) And why is it soooo wrong to take your husband to his first strip club??

I'll probably post again this evening, but I had to get this one out because I was so damn amused.
Have fun, and be safe out there,
Mrs. Dreamer

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Be safe out there.