Monday, August 2, 2010


Like Kisha, I generally try to be a happy person, and I uber-hate confrontations. But sometimes rainbows and fucking glitter have to take a backseat to fire and brimstone and the half-evil side of me coming out (Mr Realist thinks I need a 333 tattoo). It's why I'mromantically involved with Kisha. I save up some nuggets of brimstone and tongues of flame, and let them all go on Mondays. It's a perfect fucking day to bitch. Mondays suck most of the time.

I know this isn't incredibly bitchy, but I'm too resigned today to be bitchy. I'm more complainy.

Today, I just wanted to fucking give up. I'm tired, LDs. Tired of feeling like this.

Like the stepfather was right all those years ago.

"You'll never amount to anything."
"You're useless/stupid/lazy/etc."

What in the seven hells do I have to do? You can't get a better job without experience, and you can't get experience unless you're in the field.

I guess it doesn't help that I don't know what I want to do. I DO know that I sure as shittin' don't want to do what I am doing for the rest of my natural earthly life. I want to be outside. I want to help people. I want to help people have fun. I want people to enjoy life...the way I used to.

Anyone else feeling like they want to kick people in the face with metal cleats on? Right now, I just kind of hate the world.

Still don't have any good ideas for my video. Fuckyboo.


Hope your day was better than mine.

Heepwah, and be safe out there.
Ms D


  1. Babe.

    You are not stupid/useless/etc.
    You have just not found your place yet. I know how frustrating it can be to feel stuck in the mud, but just keep exploring every opportunity you can think of until the right one fits.

    Not all who wander are lost-they're just trying to find their home.

    And I love you.

  2. Thanks, Kisha. I love Tolkien's quote - I need to find a way to ink that on me without freaking out about the needle.

    And I love you too. :)


Be safe out there.