Monday, June 21, 2010

Bitch and Moan Monday

Hello, Clarice. I've been expecting you.
Would sir and madam care to sit for some fava beans and a nice Chianti? I regret to inform you that the kitchen's all out of liver.

It's Bitch and Moan Monday!


Like Kisha, I generally try to be a happy person, and I uber-hate confrontations. But sometimes rainbows and fucking glitter have to take a backseat to fire and brimstone and the half-evil side of me coming out (Mr Realist thinks I need a 333 tattoo). It's why I'm romantically involved with Kisha's B&M Monday. I save up some nuggets of brimstone and tongues of flame, and let them all go on Mondays. It's a perfect fucking day to bitch. Mondays suck most of the time.


LD's, if you've been here longer than a New York minute, you'll know that I'm not all docile and fluff and prim and proper. Fuck that noise. I dislike hate it when people think that I should be. I mean, come on.

I'm 32. I have a decent job (that I hate). I have a house and two cars and two dogs and two rats (it's like the muthafuckin ARK here, LDs). I have Mr Realist. And I "should know better than to swear."

Um, are you high? Look, I know that there is a time and place for swearing. I'm not an idiot because I do swear. I'm not going to go to work and tell someone s/he's a fucking moron (unless it's called for and we're friends). I try my damnedest not to swear in front of impressionable young children (even when their parents do it). But this is my muthafuckin blog and they're my muthafuckin thoughts, and if you don't like it, you can stop reading.


I'm not commanding you to be here (although, the followers are nice). Most people I've interacted with think I'm funny, although I'm really not trying to be. I'd like to have more followers, but if that means I have to censor myself, it's not. fucking. worth it. I am me, LDs, and that's all I can be.

The reason this B&M was sparked was based on a two-line conversation that had happened between me and someone else several weeks ago. I got called out - "do you kiss your grandmother with that mouth?" Fuck right I do, LDs. But aside from the occasional 'damn,' 'hell,' or 'shit,' I don't swear in front of my parents and grandparents. It's just not cool since they don't use it. (Mumsy Dreamer is an exception, and I'll post more about her later on. Some of you would totally dig her; others, not so much).

So, I thought it was done. Over. Finito.

Nope. The conversation was told to a family member, and I got called out again - "says you have a dirty mouth on your facebook." "Like the swears and stuff?" LDs, I raised an eyebrow, and turned to the two guys. My response:

"Yeah, I do. It's my facebook, and it's private to everyone but my friends, and if she doesn't like it, then she can just delete herself." They were a little shocked.

Sorry, but that's the way I feel about it. You don't like me, remove yourself.

What made it even weirder? Aunt Becky totally wrote about something similar before I did! LDs, I love her and Kisha and we should totally make McDreamy and Dexter or House and Booth perform a sexy striptease before carting us off to our respective rooms and then making the awesomesauce (fuck yeah, I went there) of love with us. Totally sated, LDs. Totally sated.

I might just be able to tackle the rest of this bitchy Monday with that image of the Booth making the Sexy Time with me. Ohhhhh yeah...that's right. Special Agent Seeley Booth can use those handcuffs and that tie of his on me.


Seriously, DB. Call. Me.

Before I get all fire and brimstone in a good way *evil grin*, I wanna know what's got you Bitching and Moaning today. Did the childrenz interrupt your Sexy Time last night? Really really want a paintball pistol to shoot dumbasses right in the face who don't use turn signals? Post it in the comments, if you want; other than that, click over to Kisha to see what everyone else is bitching and moaning about.

Heepwah, and be safe out there.

Your smoldering
Mrs Dreamer

PS: "Fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, and fuck you. I'm out."

PPS: I'm getting better at this html thing. High five myself!


  1. OH MY GOD-I was totally trying to figure out a way to incorporate your PS into my Bitch and Moan Monday last night! No fucking way! Great minds really do think alike, seriously. I was also trying to add in "Stop staring at me, Swan" but it just didn't work out. You are brilliant, far more brilliant than I!

    Also, if people don't fucking like your fucking language, they can fucking delete themselves. Fucking seriously. I love it when I get hate mail about my language on my's MY fucking blog. I say what I want. Bitches and hoes, I tell ya.

  2. Wow...that's all I have to say to that.

    But that person really has no right to complain. It's your blog, your facebook. You can say whatever you want. That's the brilliance of the internet. And freedom of speech.

    If people don't like it, they can find something else to read!


Be safe out there.