As in big time.
Lately, my Bitch and Moan Mondays (and hell, some other posts as well) have all been about Mr Realist - laziness being the big one. I'm tired of starting laundry, loading and unloading the dishwasher, cleaning up after I've cooked and even taking the trash out while he plays video games or watches tv/movies on the interwebz. He'd been saying since Saturday that he needed to clean the rat cage (yes, we have two rats - Bonnie and Sally), and it hasn't gotten done.
For the last two days, Mr Realist has been down (he is on Prozac for depression). Yesterday, I had a TPC meeting up north, so I went to that directly after work. I got home about 9.50 last night, and you could tell that the rat cage had yet to be cleaned. There were dirty dishes in the sink from breakfast and his dinner (he had cereal), and he'd done nothing all evening.
Tonight...I stopped by the coffee shop for knitting night, and he stopped in for a coffee (he didn't end up getting one). I was going to be the only one there, so I decided I'd go home with him. He didn't seem too thrilled with that. What else was I going to do? Sit at the shop and knit with just me? So, we came home, and as we were getting changed out of work clothes, I asked what we were going to have for dinner. His response was "I don't know - what do you want?"
I asked him how it was the same as when I am supposed to be making dinner and I ask him the same question just to get the same response, and yet I have to make the decision and make whatever comes to mind. Food was slammed back in cupboards and the refrigerator, and he said that "if you can't give me any suggestions, then I'm just going to eat chips and salsa." I'd had enough at that point. I turned to him, and very calmly said, "I love how your laziness is more important than everything else in this house."
Bullseye as to what's been running around in my head for the past couple of months.
He finshed microwaving the mac-n-cheese leftovers, and took them and his soda into the bedroom to eat in front of his computer. He brought the dishes back to the kitchen, went back into the bedroom, and put on clothes (he wasn't naked, just had on comfy, loungearound stuff). I was so mad I was scrubbing the shower with a toothbrush (no, not his; one we had saved for stuff like this - when we switch out toothbrushes, they're saved for cleaning small cracks and jewelry) on the icky parts. I left the bathroom to go get the bleach, and he's not in the bedroom.
Not in the kitchen, or the living room. I look out the door, and his car's gone.
I finished cleaning up the bathroom (note: bleach and Comet mixed together can leave stains on porcelain tubs), went to the living room, and texted where I knew Mr Realist would have gone.
Asked him if my husband was there, and not to let him do anything rash. Not minutes later, I get a text from Mr Realist, telling me he's going to the movies with Dunn. Then I get one saying that he doesn't know when he's going to be home. I figure he's going to get puke-fucking drunk. I finished cleaning (I finished the bathroom and cleaned the rat cage) (note: tears are not conducive to seeing where you need to clean vs where you have cleaned), and watched a movie.
About 9.20, he came home. We didn't talk until he'd laid down in bed. We talked, and whilst what I said made him very, very angry, it was a valid point. It's why he left; that I was right - he is lazy. We both needed to cool off, and we were very adult about the whole thing. It could have escalated into a screaming fit, but we both just stepped away.
LDs, I'm not going to apologize for saying what I said. Granted, it could have been said better, but I'm tired of trying to say things nicely to him. Nagging just makes me a bitch (and I don't really like doing it).
He did have to explain to the friends that met up with him and Dunn at the movies where I was, and the married couple in the group said that we handled it the right way.
I do love Mr Realist, LDs; with all my heart. However, here's my dilemma: do I continue to ask him to do things with me, to help clean the house he helps dirty?
Or do I accept that I'll never get any of the help I'd like, be a housewife in addition to holding a full-time job? I'd have to quit TPC - I can't work on my marriage, my house, and my business with no help.
Sadly enough, I am documenting when I clean things or empty things or do things that are dual responsibility.
What are your thoughts? Have any of you had the misfortune to be in a similar situation and how did you handle it? You can let me know here, FB me, email, I don't care. I just need some advice (and I know not all of my readers are female, so guys - your thoughts might just mean more than the ladies').
Heepwah, and be safe out there.
PS - I finished typing this up Wednesday morning, so that's why it's being posted now.